The Power of Forgiveness (and Moving On)
Lately in the news (or rather in the tabloids/ gossip sections) there were some viral news related to infidelity: this husband who is serially unfaithful & his wife filed for divorce; that husband who allegedly dated his wife's best friend; or this husband who went away for work/ business for months & did not contact his wife & children because he has an eye-candy on the side to keep him occupied; or that husband who was photographed kissing someone else in the cab; or that popular on-screen & off-screen couple who decided to divorce due to an alleged presence of a 'third person'.
These news & eventually the decisions of the couple (to fix what's broken or throw it all away) may be heatedly debated now, as they happen & especially since famous people are involved. Yet AFTER that, or rather many years after, would the parties still hang on or let go?
One of my close friends is married to a divorcee. He had had children from the previous marriage & his ex wife and him divorced probably 6-7 years ago yet they still haven't sorted out the property and alimony to the wife. Basically she's insistent that she deserves more, for having given up her profession to raise the family & they may be going to court many years from now too I suppose because the property division is also not agreed. And she calls and bothers my friend with angry words when the ex-husband does not reply to her fiery messages (he was just trying to extricate himself and not reply equally in anger), to the extent that my friend blocked her number.
Granted I heard just ONE side of the story from my friend, until yesterday. I got hold of valid news that the ex-wife has re-married and is now expecting a child with her new man. She married someone's husband, someone very well-to-do, as wife number 3. In my view at least she has many reasons to be happy: the husband who is caring for her; her children are very smart and good kids (for this I take my hats off to her, for being a fantastic mom in raising very smart & well-adjusted children); she doesn't have to work to earn a living- the ex still pays her some money to maintain her living (because he had asked her to quit her job when they were married); she has friends who will be with her through thick and thin (I also happen to know this close-knit group by association); among others.
SO, what is my point? Is she not happy now? Why have she not forgiven and moved on emotionally?
I may be oversimplifying things & perhaps just scratching the surface. And I do not know her that well, she happen to be a schoolmate from long ago and I am more of an acquaintance, not quite a close friend- so who am I to judge? Just based on the triangulated facts, I summarise that she ain't happy with her ex. Something is unfinished there. They probably need to get that sorted or ignored, should the path of least resistance be their choice.
Having said that however, I do have friends who still cannot talk to their exes after umpteenth years of divorce. They just cannot. Too heavy to handle. So they didn't do anything about it and their children suffer: they're not allowed to contact or meet the father. Cases of Anger breeding Sadness.
HENCE, coming to my next point: Should forgiveness not be the solution?
Forgive and make the settlement.
Forgive and let the children see their father.
Forgive and set your soul free.
Forgetting is an option... and that's another story altogether 😜
These news & eventually the decisions of the couple (to fix what's broken or throw it all away) may be heatedly debated now, as they happen & especially since famous people are involved. Yet AFTER that, or rather many years after, would the parties still hang on or let go?
One of my close friends is married to a divorcee. He had had children from the previous marriage & his ex wife and him divorced probably 6-7 years ago yet they still haven't sorted out the property and alimony to the wife. Basically she's insistent that she deserves more, for having given up her profession to raise the family & they may be going to court many years from now too I suppose because the property division is also not agreed. And she calls and bothers my friend with angry words when the ex-husband does not reply to her fiery messages (he was just trying to extricate himself and not reply equally in anger), to the extent that my friend blocked her number.
Granted I heard just ONE side of the story from my friend, until yesterday. I got hold of valid news that the ex-wife has re-married and is now expecting a child with her new man. She married someone's husband, someone very well-to-do, as wife number 3. In my view at least she has many reasons to be happy: the husband who is caring for her; her children are very smart and good kids (for this I take my hats off to her, for being a fantastic mom in raising very smart & well-adjusted children); she doesn't have to work to earn a living- the ex still pays her some money to maintain her living (because he had asked her to quit her job when they were married); she has friends who will be with her through thick and thin (I also happen to know this close-knit group by association); among others.
SO, what is my point? Is she not happy now? Why have she not forgiven and moved on emotionally?
I may be oversimplifying things & perhaps just scratching the surface. And I do not know her that well, she happen to be a schoolmate from long ago and I am more of an acquaintance, not quite a close friend- so who am I to judge? Just based on the triangulated facts, I summarise that she ain't happy with her ex. Something is unfinished there. They probably need to get that sorted or ignored, should the path of least resistance be their choice.
Having said that however, I do have friends who still cannot talk to their exes after umpteenth years of divorce. They just cannot. Too heavy to handle. So they didn't do anything about it and their children suffer: they're not allowed to contact or meet the father. Cases of Anger breeding Sadness.
HENCE, coming to my next point: Should forgiveness not be the solution?
Forgive and make the settlement.
Forgive and let the children see their father.
Forgive and set your soul free.
Forgetting is an option... and that's another story altogether 😜
posted by elya at 6:31 am
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