45th birthday

19.11.19 was the day I turned 45 [yesterday lah]. I have come of age. Life has given me & my family so much, and for this we are immensely blessed.

My learning points:

1- Relax and do not sweat the small stuff. Once buried 6 feet under these small stuff becomes miniscule stuff because I'd have other things to worry about.

2- Stay the same and be original. No apology needed for being who you are, so long as it is within the law and does not harm others.

3- Keep on growing. Do something, anything, that makes you a better person. Or spend time perfecting your craft, whatever it may be. Again, within reason & within the rule of law.

Cheesy and cliche, some may say, but whatever. The best thing with cheesy and cliche stuff, is that they're 100% legit. 

Now, to be more specific.

The real issue here is my life is far from perfect. I am still waiting for the house re-financing to be settled (read: disbursed); my supervisee just turned on me (despite being given another chance); and work has its ups and downs that makes me re-think the whole decision all over again (is this what I would like to keep doing for the next 5 years?). What is next? I do not know. This last Q&A is a big question, as I must start considering my options and growth plans.

On the other hand, being a supposed optimist, I have chosen to see the many things and blessings that I do do have: my sweet & loving husband, who is an ever-calming presence; my beautiful & kind, beautiful, wonderful children- they're maneuvering their way in life as we speak & I do pray that they make the right choices and be good people; my career which has, despite its issues, given me many chances of growth and rather significant financial rewards (for which I am very grateful); my employer that has been responsible and encouraging and law-abiding; my good health which Allah has granted without charge (we are all eternally blessed); the little physical possessions that I have- my car that runs well, the house that I live in with everything in working condition, my books which I love immensely & that I should keep reading (I have stopped reading in large volumes for at least 2 years); my mental faculties (that so far has remained reasonably intact); my working limbs and bones and veins and arteries and blood system and urinary system- the overall biological system that makes me human- are in good working order; my personality that is unique and affectionately mine; my Allah-given intuition that somehow tries to see people and situations in the best way possible (although sometimes- many times hubby would say- my emotions get the better of me); the intellect that I have been granted and put to good use (I hope, in as many ways & as much as I can); my interests that keep me looking forward to life in general. This list, as corny as it is, is non exhaustive. There are more blessings than can be counted on the fingers on both hands.

Hence, to conclude- I feel blessed to have lived this long. I am, in fact, in my bonus round. 

Yesterday when friends asked me to make a wish, I gave it a quick thought and had replied: I have everything that I wish for. Which is true. [I could do with a lot more money though 😂]

There were some mistakes that I wished I hadn't made, some decisions that I would have been better off without, some events that I wished have turned out differently... HOWEVER all these 'stuff' has lead me to this very moment & have moulded me into the person that I am now... AND if a self-assessment is to be given, that person is not too shabby 💖