I am not that person

Throughout my school life I typically maintained the top 3 position in the class. It was pretty effortless and not at all pre-meditated. I just did it and it worked out. Credit to my mom and late dad too, who have both taught me different things... not in the tiger mom/ dad sort of way though, because I do not remember any experience of being pressured to do well or excel... this thought process came later when visitors came to the house and asked me whether I did well in school & mom usually offered the answer while I was sitting there trying to think of a proper answer to this unlikely question. 

Mom would say "she typically places 1st 2nd or 3rd every year", and the person would respond in glee. That would be good, right? This is probably where mom should have spotted my autistic tendencies, no fault of hers. I also discovered this in hindsight, how I do not seem to pick up these social cues and would still be wondering if the response was good/ acceptable/ normal... and how many of the other schoolchildren tended to avoid me (unless if they wanted to copy my homework). Sheldon Cooper, I do feel you!

Things changed when I went to MRSM. Everybody was clever here. And because I went to MRSM Kota Bharu, Kelantan they were also good looking. Potent combination that, good looks and smarts. There I floated in mid range, but survived. Culturally I didn't quite fit in, except with a few other 'outsiders'. My mother is  Kelantanese and she had pre-notified me of certain cultural behaviours, but nothing prepares you better than actually being in the thick of things. I understood the local language because we visited our Klate side of the family (cousins, aunts and uncles) often enough during school holidays and hari raya, but outwardly I am an outsider. From Johor. Who looked different, and do not speak the local dialect. I cannot speak it properly, and was generally affected when my cousins would literally ROFL every time me & my siblings tried to speak it. So I almost never utter the dialect, until now because I have married a Kelantanese but this is another story for another time.

Being in the Pure Science stream we had to do Biology, Physics, Chemistry, and Additional (Advanced?) Mathematics. Biology was survivable, but the the other sciences and add maths were literally Greek + Rocket Science to me. I flopped big time. Straight Cs. All the way. This shaped me because I realised that I was quite average in the bigger scheme of things. Which was okay.  Not everybody is good in sciences. Cool.

This was a great thing to have happened, again in hindsight. It helped me raise my children in a kinder way. If I had received straight As all the way, I might have allowed that to get to my head, me being me.

Hence I thought I was clever, or I believed that I was, but in the bigger scheme of things I am rather average. Maybe a teensy little bit above average but still average. 

Secondly, I was in the debate team and everyone thought I am a friendly cheerful extroverted person but I typically quake in fear in new situations and do not know what to do with myself when put in a spot in front of an audience. Thankfully I was merely the reserve debater, who did the scripts and research and NEVER had to speak in front of everybody.

Hence I am also not an extrovert. The polar opposite, yes that I am.