Flesh and Blood

My youngest brother is someone who has a lot of potential, but has his own mind in making decisions.

He makes the best choc chip cookies ever (at least from the cookies I have tasted up to my 49th year of life), but choose to earn his keep as an e-hailing driver & a bouncer at a club.

Daily at 6am he returns home exhausted, and has continuous duties of preparing and sending his children to school. 

Umi has taken pity on his 2 daughters because his/ their bloody wife/ mother left the marriage.

These days Umi travels from Johor to KL to take care of his girls.  My brother got custody of the children. For the divorce proceedings we hired a lawyer who negotiated the case, and we siblings contributed to pay her fees.

I have given multiple suggestions to my brother to make some changes to his life and the children's wellbeing without imposing too much on Umi. Our mom has taken care of 8 of us her WHOLE life as a SINGLE mother; to expect her to take care of 2 boisterous grandchildren now is hardly fair.

However no matter what I say my brother will say "yes" or "okay" and ignore me to the pits of hell.

It's a 3-4 hour journey one way from Johor to KL, and Umi makes that trip twice or thrice a month for the girls. Because they do not have a mommy, Umi spoils them. Especially the elder one who goes to Umi for all material things that my brother refused to get her. I had said something once or twice on this unbridled spending spree. My niece was as resolute as a rock & I doubt that she heard anything I said (or is willing to). On top of that, Umi took offence. I didn't realise it at first, but got the drift a few days later when Umi didn't want to come visit my house. No matter. It is all good. I will not give any more advice. They are unwarranted and unwelcome. My life will continue as usual and I will no longer participate in the sending and picking up duties. 

One day my brother will clean up his act (I hope) and take care of his daughters properly. He probably needed therapy BUT WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS REGARDING THERAPY OR COUNSELING BECAUSE HE SAYS HE'S OKAY!!!! No matter. He will be fine. He's a grown man capable of handling his life. No need to worry because I have my own problems.

The sad thing is we can see the writing on the wall, and we have seen multiple repeats of this story our whole lives. Umi even has such a person as a sibling, and he struggled his whole life, still do. I see that path aligning with my brother and her eldest spoilt daughter (spoilt by Umi, not my brother). Good luck with that. I wish and pray that it won't happen, for Umi's sake and all our sakes, but the signs are there.

For now it is best for me to focus on my children and not create this person in our folds.

All the best to my brother, his daughters and Umi.

I hope their hearts will heal and they will become their best selves.