I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry

Why do I feel enormous jealousy? Why do I feel like I should always be in control? Who will be my life partner? I really don't know.

Do I have to do this now?

My shortcut is to sell the house. Transfer to NZ to do my PhD and come back (if ever) with a scroll. Can we manage that? Let's just be dumb & pretend not to know any better & just do it. What's the worst that could happen? We'll probably walk the streets of Auckland as homeless persons? Maybe not, because the NZ government would have deported us by then.

I feel lost. This morning I was hauled up (an exaggeration, because I am a drama queen) to the Dean's room to answer the claim of delay in exam paper. My answer for delay was 'procrastination'. Well I know how to work the system because I had been an HOD once. I know how the window works.. from the time I submit my exam paper to the time when all assessments have been marked.

Truth be told I am completely de-motivated.. by work.. by the exam questions.. by the marking.. and so on.. But I don't have any other option for now, but to stay. So stay I will. At least until no. 3 goes to university.

Wish me Luck!!!