Deep in My Heart
The topic of polygamy came up today. It is one topic that I do not like discussing, as I was once at the receiving end of a polygamy botch up. Not fun. Still traumatised by it, to be honest.
Having loved someone wholeheartedly, with full trust and with both feet forward.. and having that trust shattered into millions of broken pieces; it brought upon me a feeling of inexplicable grief. It is hard to explain. It is true that if you love someone, always keep some love for yourself- you will need it when your whole world shatters/ when your plans are tattered to shreds.
So, when a person discusses polygamy like it is okay (oh well, it IS okay as Allah has decreed it)- what I meant was when a polygamy is discussed as if there is nothing to it except 2 people fulfilling their duties/ needs/ love without collateral damage, I completely flipped.
However since this is MY blog I am just giving my POV.
Granted, there are many happy instances of polygamy where the individuals are happy/ content/ accepting. Hats off to them. All the power to all parties (because I will not be able to pull it off, thank you very much).
There are also views that I should not vehemently say no or reject the notion too strongly, because one day I may be tested in the same way (i.e. sharing a husband). Maybe, maybe not. I am generally of the view that whoever I marry should be trusted & if they have someone else I would like to be strong and cut off all ties. Immediately. No matter how distraught or damaged or broken I will be as a result. Because I can't live any other way.
I would like to be informed. I would like to be given a choice. I would like to be told the truth. Tell it to my face. What was it that is missing in me, that you see in the other person? No skeletons in the closet either please. Once trust is broken, it will never be repaired, ever.
So, I may stay single the whole of my life. Since I have trust issues. And it may be less messy to just be friends with men, and adore them from afar.. and enjoy their company once in a while.. and stay home and take care of the children. Period. That is a bad plan (to deny or block any kind of romantic involvement with any man), but a plan nevertheless. Good luck!
Having loved someone wholeheartedly, with full trust and with both feet forward.. and having that trust shattered into millions of broken pieces; it brought upon me a feeling of inexplicable grief. It is hard to explain. It is true that if you love someone, always keep some love for yourself- you will need it when your whole world shatters/ when your plans are tattered to shreds.
So, when a person discusses polygamy like it is okay (oh well, it IS okay as Allah has decreed it)- what I meant was when a polygamy is discussed as if there is nothing to it except 2 people fulfilling their duties/ needs/ love without collateral damage, I completely flipped.
However since this is MY blog I am just giving my POV.
Granted, there are many happy instances of polygamy where the individuals are happy/ content/ accepting. Hats off to them. All the power to all parties (because I will not be able to pull it off, thank you very much).
There are also views that I should not vehemently say no or reject the notion too strongly, because one day I may be tested in the same way (i.e. sharing a husband). Maybe, maybe not. I am generally of the view that whoever I marry should be trusted & if they have someone else I would like to be strong and cut off all ties. Immediately. No matter how distraught or damaged or broken I will be as a result. Because I can't live any other way.
I would like to be informed. I would like to be given a choice. I would like to be told the truth. Tell it to my face. What was it that is missing in me, that you see in the other person? No skeletons in the closet either please. Once trust is broken, it will never be repaired, ever.
So, I may stay single the whole of my life. Since I have trust issues. And it may be less messy to just be friends with men, and adore them from afar.. and enjoy their company once in a while.. and stay home and take care of the children. Period. That is a bad plan (to deny or block any kind of romantic involvement with any man), but a plan nevertheless. Good luck!
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