Sober

What I wish to believe and what something actually is, may be two completely different things.

Love, to me, is a choice. I still ponder the fact at times, because many people believe that the Creator hands down that feeling & bamm you're in love (or rather, you would marry that person whom you're meant to be with).

This, to me, is the perpetual question of the universe: who is someone (am I) meant to be with?

So this time I will stop asking and leave it to fate (I don't know how that is done, but leave it to fate I will- no intervention, no complaints, no kicking and screaming in protest).

Next question: what characteristics do I look for in a person who is to be my partner for life? I don't know anymore actually. My answer used to be: I want a kind person. Lots of people are kind souls, so how do I narrow it down? Fall in love with the person who touched your heart (people say)- that narrows it down a bit more, perhaps down to 2-3 men. (And then what?)

For me I will start looking at it on the probability basis (even though I suck big time at Math & Statistics). Measure the likelihood of that kindness lasting beyond the dating period; of him being a reasonably 'normal' person; of the relationship working out (based on belief, lifestyle and life goals); of him being faithful/ loyal (this one was added after Mr Ex blindsided me with that person).

My best friends tell me the way I look at it is too complicated- uncomplicate it, they say. My mind works in a really weird way in that it overanalyses and ask questions that do not need asking.

I will vouch (for myself) that I am reasonably easy to love (or am I?). 

At this stage I am happy to love those related to me by blood. This marriage thing scares me now. Too many what if's. 200 things can go wrong with a union like that, it is practically a minefield.

How does one traverse through it? With hope in our hearts & the adamant belief that it WILL work out.. and if it doesn't, we can always get another divorce can't we?

On that note too, one of my best friends will be married by this time next week. Her third marriage with a person she had known for just 2 months & seemingly a great guy. I pray for her happiness and strength to endure any challenge she & they may face in marriage. All the best my dearie!!!