An Open Letter to the Lovely Ladies [a.k.a. My Past Catching Up with My Present]
Context: Friendship
Problem Statement: Whether individuals may select the friends they want to be with
Larger Context: Relevance of Alumni Groups
Currently I am now in a bit of a bind. I am the Secretary of an alumni group of a school where I/ we finished my SPM (IGCSE/ O-Levels equivalent, more or less). This group has decided to form a society registered with the RoS (Registrar of Societies), with an organisational structure & elected exco members, with the mandate to upkeep the wellbeing of members. In short, it's a social group (leaning towards the welfare of members).
For simplicity, let us just refer to the group as "AG".
In its third or fourth year of operations, the AG was taken over by the "Lovely Ladies" who (how do I put it) are successful financially and socially, to the exclusion of others who are not. Me for one, is not a Lovely Lady (and never will be). Also for simplicity, they will be referred to as LLs.
People who know me will know that I am friends with everybody. Literally. Anybody. [Except the LLs perhaps, who I am acquaintances with & whom they keep at arms length perhaps just because I am the AG's Secretary- which is just a post by the way].
One of our events carried out last year was a Ramadan gathering which brought many people together (close to 40 members perhaps)- and I had thought finally we can be united, but the LLs came and sat together at one table. Everybody else was scattered, with their own families. I had come late because I was from another event, and when I saw the LLs chatting happily together I felt discomfort right away. However at the same time I saw many of my friends there and was really happy to have them around so we chatted and caught up. [Context: the LLs often see each other and go to various events together and have social do's in each others' houses SO did they HAVE to sit together this time to everyone else's exclusion?].
Long story short, after the Ramadan gathering other friends did pockets of their own gathering. Like the LLs who gather with those they're comfortable with. Lo and behold in the exco group last night one committee member remarked that we should not form our own clans & must support AG's events. [Irony: it is the LLs who usually shun/ do not get involved in AG's events, not even committee meetings anymore].
So my next course of action is to resign from the coveted Secretary's post & hand it over to someone who is more willing and able. The reasons to be cited are: personal life (managing life & children single-handedly); work stress due to volume of students & demands of the private sector; unsuitability of meeting attendance as I will be the only female available to attend (the LLs decide to go or not to go in a group); personal goals (to develop my career as a professional speaker); and perhaps finally because me being in the AG's exco is merely a titular thing (I do not actually do anything or have accomplished anything interesting or significant). However this last bit I will play down with legal language to balance my will to do something vs my actual incompetence. Haha.
Anyway in short that will probably be my course of action. Avoid conflict.
The LLs will continue to be successful. No doubt they fight their own battles and face their own set of challenges but outwardly they look good doing it & will be friends forever. Others need not apply but we get to watch their fabulousness. At least that's how I see it from where I stand/ from my perspective. One day maybe I will get to discuss these pointers/ questions with their President or Lifetime Members & lay it out on the table in the most objective way possible, but right now I am very comfortable for us to lead parallel lives.
Never will our paths intersect but for the past association of having gone to the same school. SO there. All the best to everybody. May we all live beautiful productive lives on our own respective, clearly delineated, parallel worlds.
Problem Statement: Whether individuals may select the friends they want to be with
Larger Context: Relevance of Alumni Groups
Currently I am now in a bit of a bind. I am the Secretary of an alumni group of a school where I/ we finished my SPM (IGCSE/ O-Levels equivalent, more or less). This group has decided to form a society registered with the RoS (Registrar of Societies), with an organisational structure & elected exco members, with the mandate to upkeep the wellbeing of members. In short, it's a social group (leaning towards the welfare of members).
For simplicity, let us just refer to the group as "AG".
In its third or fourth year of operations, the AG was taken over by the "Lovely Ladies" who (how do I put it) are successful financially and socially, to the exclusion of others who are not. Me for one, is not a Lovely Lady (and never will be). Also for simplicity, they will be referred to as LLs.
People who know me will know that I am friends with everybody. Literally. Anybody. [Except the LLs perhaps, who I am acquaintances with & whom they keep at arms length perhaps just because I am the AG's Secretary- which is just a post by the way].
One of our events carried out last year was a Ramadan gathering which brought many people together (close to 40 members perhaps)- and I had thought finally we can be united, but the LLs came and sat together at one table. Everybody else was scattered, with their own families. I had come late because I was from another event, and when I saw the LLs chatting happily together I felt discomfort right away. However at the same time I saw many of my friends there and was really happy to have them around so we chatted and caught up. [Context: the LLs often see each other and go to various events together and have social do's in each others' houses SO did they HAVE to sit together this time to everyone else's exclusion?].
Long story short, after the Ramadan gathering other friends did pockets of their own gathering. Like the LLs who gather with those they're comfortable with. Lo and behold in the exco group last night one committee member remarked that we should not form our own clans & must support AG's events. [Irony: it is the LLs who usually shun/ do not get involved in AG's events, not even committee meetings anymore].
So my next course of action is to resign from the coveted Secretary's post & hand it over to someone who is more willing and able. The reasons to be cited are: personal life (managing life & children single-handedly); work stress due to volume of students & demands of the private sector; unsuitability of meeting attendance as I will be the only female available to attend (the LLs decide to go or not to go in a group); personal goals (to develop my career as a professional speaker); and perhaps finally because me being in the AG's exco is merely a titular thing (I do not actually do anything or have accomplished anything interesting or significant). However this last bit I will play down with legal language to balance my will to do something vs my actual incompetence. Haha.
Anyway in short that will probably be my course of action. Avoid conflict.
The LLs will continue to be successful. No doubt they fight their own battles and face their own set of challenges but outwardly they look good doing it & will be friends forever. Others need not apply but we get to watch their fabulousness. At least that's how I see it from where I stand/ from my perspective. One day maybe I will get to discuss these pointers/ questions with their President or Lifetime Members & lay it out on the table in the most objective way possible, but right now I am very comfortable for us to lead parallel lives.
Never will our paths intersect but for the past association of having gone to the same school. SO there. All the best to everybody. May we all live beautiful productive lives on our own respective, clearly delineated, parallel worlds.
posted by elya at 7:17 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home