She is not who they think she was

When I joined his family, his mom used to ask me to do a lot of stuff whenever I visited.

Clean the fish. Cook. Set the table. Wash the dishes.

Well I exaggerate. She did not ask me to do a lot of stuff, but compared to other daughters in law who was there, I was asked to do more (Again, this could be an exaggeration & hubby will vehemently disagree with me, but this is what I felt AND I am merely projecting my perspective here).

My mom had said this: Do they think that you forced him to marry you? 

Not sure where that came from, but that could have been her assessment as an older woman; and a mother at that. She sees these things as an outsider would, but with love & care for me.

Once when I visited his family during Raya, they openly discussed/ mentioned his ex-fiance from Terengganu. Why would they do that? 

It was my second Raya visit. We married in 2019 and I spend every alternate Raya in Kelantan YET they pinpointed this, when it was not at all necessary. It was strange to reminisce on an ex-fiance when he had brought his legally married wife for that visit. Maybe the ex-fiance was beautiful, and proper, and a good match? I will never know now, or EVER. Nor would I bloody care.

I had let it pass, as a joke, or as a banter.

They may be happy to know that we will be separating.

We did not announce our wedding, probably because he was not ready/ was forced?

Our divorce will be equally unceremonious.

Kak Ani will be crushed, and a few others I suppose. Or maybe not. I really don't/ won't know.

But overall (I think) they will consider me leaving as "good riddance".

Which is a pity, because he has a cool family.

Very laid-back, and understanding, and fun-loving.

Thank you Allah for this borrowed time & happy moments with great people.

I WOULD LIKE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT HERE. 

I MAY HAVE FORCED HIM TO MARRY ME.

I DO ADMIT. 

AT THAT TIME AN ULTIMATUM WAS GIVEN TO HUBBY: EITHER WE MARRY BEFORE GOD, OR WE BREAK UP, BECAUSE I AM NOT A YOUNG GIRL ANYMORE.

I DO NOT WISH TO BE A HANGER ON WITH HIM, UNMARRIED.

PEOPLE IMPLY THAT I AM HIS FOREVER GF WHILE I ABANDON MY CHILDREN AT HOME. 

THAT IS NOT A GOOD LOOK IN ANY SOCIETY, LET ALONE IN AN ASIAN SOCIETY. 

SO WE MARRIED, AND HE KEPT AIZA ON THE SIDE BECAUSE THEY WERE BOTH NOT READY TO LET GO OF EACH OTHER YET.

BECAUSE THEY HAVE KNOWN & LOVED EACH OTHER FOR 19 YEARS.

LITERALLY  THEIR WHOLE LIVES #WaitForThatToSinkIn

SERVES ME RIGHT? PROBABLY

AM I ANGRY? YOU BET I AM!!!!!!

Well, once we separate I will leave it to him to spin whichever yarn he sees fit. The yarn that I cut him loose after getting a PhD is the most likely version. I cannot control that, nor do I see fit to go with him and qualify his explanations (AGAIN, because justifying is also NOT a good look).

Morals of the story:

1- Never force a man to do something against his will

2- You cannot make a person love you

3- Never complain, never explain (when people sees fit to smear your reputation)

I will keep walking with pride, and not be fazed with "judgements".

Who you think I am is totally different from who I actually am.

I am not answerable to you, capisce?