Modern Divorce
"Ours is a modern divorce"
My friend had asked: is there a difference (between a modern & traditional divorce)?
I guess so. Traditionally the man would take off & abandon the family for another woman. In the modern version the partners split on good terms & ex-husband takes responsibility of the children financially.
Mr Ex and I are on good terms. Not completely platonic between us because the elephant (the affair) remains in the room & we don't know what to do with it. He visits the children almost every weekend & supports them financially, which I totally appreciate. Sometimes I do an S.O.S. when I can't handle the children - he will talk to them, help me out. That's the extent of our relationship, as far as we're concerned.
Do I still love him? I don't want to, after what he has done. And I have known other kinds of men & a different kind of love post-divorce, so going back to him is akin to locking myself up in prison after tasting freedom. So there- there's my answer.
The little ones ask sometimes: why does mama & papa live separately (because we're divorced).. does papa love mama (maybe he did, once).. is mama angry with papa (no we're not angry with each other, we are friends)..
I suspect they'll keep asking these questions until about the age when they understand relationships (maybe 35 or 40.. haha) & I will keep answering these questions until the answers make sense to my girls.
My teens had asked in the beginning.. why do people do these things? Honest to God I don't know, but the rational neutral answer was.. well, sometimes things don't quite work out & you don't love a person anymore & you love other people.. that's why these things happen. That's my best guess.
My friend had asked: is there a difference (between a modern & traditional divorce)?
I guess so. Traditionally the man would take off & abandon the family for another woman. In the modern version the partners split on good terms & ex-husband takes responsibility of the children financially.
Mr Ex and I are on good terms. Not completely platonic between us because the elephant (the affair) remains in the room & we don't know what to do with it. He visits the children almost every weekend & supports them financially, which I totally appreciate. Sometimes I do an S.O.S. when I can't handle the children - he will talk to them, help me out. That's the extent of our relationship, as far as we're concerned.
Do I still love him? I don't want to, after what he has done. And I have known other kinds of men & a different kind of love post-divorce, so going back to him is akin to locking myself up in prison after tasting freedom. So there- there's my answer.
The little ones ask sometimes: why does mama & papa live separately (because we're divorced).. does papa love mama (maybe he did, once).. is mama angry with papa (no we're not angry with each other, we are friends)..
I suspect they'll keep asking these questions until about the age when they understand relationships (maybe 35 or 40.. haha) & I will keep answering these questions until the answers make sense to my girls.
My teens had asked in the beginning.. why do people do these things? Honest to God I don't know, but the rational neutral answer was.. well, sometimes things don't quite work out & you don't love a person anymore & you love other people.. that's why these things happen. That's my best guess.
posted by elya at 8:55 am
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