Someday
On certain days I would think of N, and decide that it was all in the past. We will never be together in this lifetime so I would have a moment of silence, a prayer if you like, for the Maker to keep him safe & happy. He has his family with him and he loves the people he's with, and I do not see any room for me or my children in the big (or small) picture.
Well, the thing is, with people you cannot have.. there's always this element of mystery.. as if he would be THE one for me.. and I will be insanely happy with him for forever and a day (but would I be?). If I do decide out of sheer bravado to marry him & be in a polygamous relationship, the most likely outcome is that I will be miserable.. and will not survive the multiple land mines scattered in the relationship. Let's not even explore that.
Initially I was miserable when we broke up, but eventually I forget missing him (we all do after some time, yes?). I was miserable when we dated- the highs were stellar & the lows are pits of hell (this is merely a figurative speech, as I hope never to experience the pits of hell ever.. huhuhuuu). Whenever my heart breaks, it's like a piece of glass crashing to earth: from a high altitude & in top speed, and breaking into a million shards the moment it hits the ground (again, this is figurative, because I am dramatic- so sue me).
Will we ever get together? Most likely not, so I will not pine for any contact with N.
Let's move forward my dear. He is an imagination- something that could have been and not to be pursued in the interest of self-preservation and sanity.
S is real. He is sweet and reliable, and I am giving the relationship a shot. I hope it leads to marriage, I would love to have that level of intimacy with S.. yet I feel that he has been badly burnt in the past & is not in any hurry when it comes to me: he is treading ever so carefully.
This morning on Fly.FM the DJs Hafiz, Dennis & Geebo talked about the dating circle & horror dates. So far *touch wood* I haven't been on any horror dates. Well I don't really date actually; would rather stay home with the children. Both N and S came to me through some common events & we connected. The fact that we have crossed paths before (when we were younger) makes the dates more secure and less risky.
So let me end with a dating advice. Have someone on speed dial for a rescue mission if the date turns out *blech* AND make sure at least one person with an active phone number knows where you are i.e. give the restaurant name/ address AND if you can, drive yourself (or take a taxi) there, because you would not want to be left stranded if he is your ride & the date went horribly.
So N, goodbye & all the best to you. I hope you will be happy always- I know that you are, with your loved ones. I will pursue my chances with S & see how far we can take this journey. Most importantly, I will live my life with no regrets. *Hugssssss*
Well, the thing is, with people you cannot have.. there's always this element of mystery.. as if he would be THE one for me.. and I will be insanely happy with him for forever and a day (but would I be?). If I do decide out of sheer bravado to marry him & be in a polygamous relationship, the most likely outcome is that I will be miserable.. and will not survive the multiple land mines scattered in the relationship. Let's not even explore that.
Initially I was miserable when we broke up, but eventually I forget missing him (we all do after some time, yes?). I was miserable when we dated- the highs were stellar & the lows are pits of hell (this is merely a figurative speech, as I hope never to experience the pits of hell ever.. huhuhuuu). Whenever my heart breaks, it's like a piece of glass crashing to earth: from a high altitude & in top speed, and breaking into a million shards the moment it hits the ground (again, this is figurative, because I am dramatic- so sue me).
Will we ever get together? Most likely not, so I will not pine for any contact with N.
Let's move forward my dear. He is an imagination- something that could have been and not to be pursued in the interest of self-preservation and sanity.
S is real. He is sweet and reliable, and I am giving the relationship a shot. I hope it leads to marriage, I would love to have that level of intimacy with S.. yet I feel that he has been badly burnt in the past & is not in any hurry when it comes to me: he is treading ever so carefully.
This morning on Fly.FM the DJs Hafiz, Dennis & Geebo talked about the dating circle & horror dates. So far *touch wood* I haven't been on any horror dates. Well I don't really date actually; would rather stay home with the children. Both N and S came to me through some common events & we connected. The fact that we have crossed paths before (when we were younger) makes the dates more secure and less risky.
So let me end with a dating advice. Have someone on speed dial for a rescue mission if the date turns out *blech* AND make sure at least one person with an active phone number knows where you are i.e. give the restaurant name/ address AND if you can, drive yourself (or take a taxi) there, because you would not want to be left stranded if he is your ride & the date went horribly.
So N, goodbye & all the best to you. I hope you will be happy always- I know that you are, with your loved ones. I will pursue my chances with S & see how far we can take this journey. Most importantly, I will live my life with no regrets. *Hugssssss*
posted by elya at 9:51 am
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