Preference

I have been married twice. In my second marriage now.

I have come to the conclusion that  (some) men would prefer not to proclaim that they're married.

They both probably loved/ loves me, but sadly enough in the completely public sphere they would rather not take a photo together, or stand together, or admit that they're married to me unless they really3 do not have a choice. 

'completely public sphere' = weddings or large events

'partially public sphere' = family events, or events involving really close friends

'private sphere' = me + him + direct bloodline family members

Maybe it is my fault. I am too 'private'. I do not insist on announcements or proclamations to establish the relationship. For both marriages the ceremonies were private affairs and we had small numbers of people at the event. They love my company in private, but shy away in public. So I am the wife but in the public sphere my function is unclear. Frankly I am confused. 

I know I should be more positive. I really should. I am a wonderful person and anyone would be proud to claim that I am his wife, right? I hope so. Maybe I think too negatively. He may have 101 reasons to stay away from me during public events, unlike men who hang around and keep their wives company?

Heck. If this one doesn't work out I will stay single all my life. Sorry to be feeling like this, like one foot in & one foot out. This is my self-preservation. I will walk away when this is no longer feasible.