Unreasonable Jealousy

My cousins used to visit us during school holidays and their family used to stay for a weekend or two, for get togethers. My grandparents, uncles and aunts would bring many goodies & delicacies from the 'kampung'. They loved to cook. I would help locate things in the kitchen, chop, pound & clean; cooking has never been (and is not likely to be) my favourite thing to do. We would enjoy meals and long talks together; catch up on news, laugh and reminisce.

My late father loved children. For my cousins, he used to buy candies and little toys for them when he came home from work. I would get the same candies, he tends to buy a lot... but not the toys. These are the small little toys that will break after a few uses, you get what I mean. I used to get really jealous of his attention to them. Never mind that I get bought candy all the time, and I have lots of toys that are worth much3 more than the trinkets, and that he sends me & picks me up from school every day. That little teeny weeny attention irked me.

However, being the rational being that I am (and hopefully have always been, although hubby may not fully agree), I used to reason things out in my head. That they're only here for a couple of days. They come only once or twice a year. And candies & toys make kids happy. So I tried to be happy for them. One one occasion I voiced this out to my mum, as she said matter-of-fact-ly, that he's just trying to make them happy, and they come once a while only. No need to be jealous. 

Till today I feel jealousy strongly. Especially when hubby pays attention to other girls. Again, the rational mind kicks in (sometimes late) and I reason that these are his mates, like me with my guy friends, and he loves me. Perhaps I should get into a course on confidence building. I actually stand on my own successes and personality, so he's lucky to be with me. I have a lot to offer and he will be more than silly to chase girls around. Well he'd better not or he will see a different side of me that he wished he had never seen!!!!

So: the deduction? Stay cool, calm, collected & classy. Bring back the power to me. Be focused & be happy. It is common to be insecure (I think) however in the bigger scheme of things, I should place importance on important things 💖

postscript: this is a wonderful TED talk about "marrying yourself" 

[message/ note to self: LOVE YOURSELF]