Saturday, April 12, 2025

Dull Ache

When someone leaves your life, either in death or while alive, there is this ache that you feel. Initially it would be very strong. So strong that you thought the day when you don't feel it anymore will never come. 

This is what I felt first when my Dad passed away. It was a sadness so deep that I didn't know what to do with it. I handled it with constant prayers for his wellbeing in the Afterlife, and had talked about it with my siblings. my mom too. In the moments when she felt like talking about it. It had been very difficult for her, but she decided to be strong for herself and for all of us. For that I appreciate and love her to death.

With divorce, the persons are very much alive, but dead to you for what he had done. I felt pain, and some days feel dark beyond reason. I would not suggest that death and divorce are the same. They are 2 polar opposites. The pain, however, have some similarities.

The pain descends upon you when you least expect it. You cry uncontrollably at times when experiencing a 'trigger': a shared memory or moment or photo or a statement. You feel major heartbreak when these feeling wash over you, but with time, healing happens. You accept that this person used to be in your life before, and you have learnt to let go for yourself and for him too. You realise that the Almighty has 'lent' this person to you, and you feel blessed for the time that you have had with him.

I still feel this dull ache with my second divorce. It has been six months and counting. My milestones are Year 1 and Year 2. After 2 years I'll be stable and 'normal'. I look forward to that day. 

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