Where I Belong
Sometimes being too familiar is not a good thing. It weirds people out perhaps, if you appear too friendly.. or too much of an approval-seeker.
Although it may not have been my intention to do so, I did just that & came across as an embarrassment to the person who introduced me to the group. I had gone to Kinabalu with a new gang which already had their dynamics going, and I was the last minute addition when one candidate dropped out. We met (as in me meet them) twice, once to hike together in Shah Alam and the second time to have a pre-Kinabalu dinner. I was (and always will be, I guess) the odd one out. I should learn my place. Speak only when spoken to and give an opinion when sought. Be invisible, if I can.
So now it has probably become a bit awkward with me in their whatsapp group, as they can't really remove me. They can't talk about me either. Or if I exit suddenly it would be funny too, to the person who introduced me to them. So I have archived the chat and will observe any new threads quietly from now on, and refrain from making any comment of any kind... until such time that it is suitable for me to leave the group (I feel like leaving now actually!). Well the good thing is someone saved me some face by telling me, and I saved myself from a well of further shame.
The moral of the story is: some groups you just cannot belong to (this is perhaps one of them).
Secondly: be yourself my dear girl (although in my defence, I have been myself through & through)
Thirdly: learn to let go.
This kinda reminded me of Edrina & her clique when I was 13. I had so wanted to belong, to be given a chance to be with their group. Needless to say it did not happen, despite me bending over backwards and doing everything they asked me to (in order to fit in). The bonus that I got was: I became the fodder for ridicule. Serves me right for trying to hang out with fake shallow individuals.
In this present day situation however, they are mature wonderful people who found me trying too hard to fit in. So I don't fit in. So fine. Walk along my dear girl, Be wonderful as always and heal.
Although it may not have been my intention to do so, I did just that & came across as an embarrassment to the person who introduced me to the group. I had gone to Kinabalu with a new gang which already had their dynamics going, and I was the last minute addition when one candidate dropped out. We met (as in me meet them) twice, once to hike together in Shah Alam and the second time to have a pre-Kinabalu dinner. I was (and always will be, I guess) the odd one out. I should learn my place. Speak only when spoken to and give an opinion when sought. Be invisible, if I can.
So now it has probably become a bit awkward with me in their whatsapp group, as they can't really remove me. They can't talk about me either. Or if I exit suddenly it would be funny too, to the person who introduced me to them. So I have archived the chat and will observe any new threads quietly from now on, and refrain from making any comment of any kind... until such time that it is suitable for me to leave the group (I feel like leaving now actually!). Well the good thing is someone saved me some face by telling me, and I saved myself from a well of further shame.
The moral of the story is: some groups you just cannot belong to (this is perhaps one of them).
Secondly: be yourself my dear girl (although in my defence, I have been myself through & through)
Thirdly: learn to let go.
This kinda reminded me of Edrina & her clique when I was 13. I had so wanted to belong, to be given a chance to be with their group. Needless to say it did not happen, despite me bending over backwards and doing everything they asked me to (in order to fit in). The bonus that I got was: I became the fodder for ridicule. Serves me right for trying to hang out with fake shallow individuals.
In this present day situation however, they are mature wonderful people who found me trying too hard to fit in. So I don't fit in. So fine. Walk along my dear girl, Be wonderful as always and heal.
posted by elya at 10:48 pm
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