Room for Doubt

As usual, the drama queen has an issue and everyone else is dragged along with her (Pity).

The other night me & the boys (friends of mine & S) casually talked about polygamy.
Theme: the naughty things that the men do to hide his 2nd/ 3rd/ 4th wife. Because one of my other female friends has an uncle with 4 wives. And she mentioned how he managed to keep everyone together (essentially it is a juggling act & sometimes a ball or two will fall to the ground).

The boys started telling stories about:
- one guy who married his girlfriend in the morning & mum's chosen candidate in the afternoon, so he has one unofficial wife (former gf) and one official wife (mum's choice);
- a politician who married 2 ladies in one night- he left after marriage solemnisation #1 to marry #2, citing "I have work to take care of" (they still do not know about the other & Mr Politician is now working on snagging number 3);
- a man who diligently, early every morning goes to the masjid in KL for prayers & after he died, the 2nd wife came to meet the 1st bringing 3 children; and
- a man with 4 wives at all time & if anyone seeks divorce he will let go and 'replace' her so that
 he will always have 4.

[in my mind I went "SHRIEK" "OH MY GOSHHHH" "NOOOO" "WTF" but I suppose my face didn't show it, because they had kept on sharing the anecdotes]

On the way back, me being me, I had asked S: does he have anyone else? or intend to have another one on the side? I know men do have such inclinations (because they can) yet S the sweetheart gave a rational answer. He said "Just Trust. Each person is innocent until proven guilty." Fair.

YET me the combatant & self-proclaimed lawyer-feminist still argued that I still need to have that small inkling of doubt to cushion myself against heartache. With Mr Ex I never had that cushion & the whole experience was a disaster to say the least. [I think this statement: about choosing to have doubt, hurt S immensely].

It is always a head thing with me: this polygamy thing.
Some questions and answers (and more questions):

Infidelity vs Polygamy: What's the difference? 
With polygamy the man makes the lady a good woman by marrying her.
[Did it start with infidelity?]

What is the price of Loyalty/ Trust?
Lifelong love? Or at least we can aim for it.
AND a happy heart, because doubt & suspicion kills the soul and drains the energy.
How do I let go of distrust? Therapy?
Or will the relationship (or the person I am in a relationship with) reassure me about this?
Most likely I have to reassure myself.

Are the parties truly happy knowing the situation they're in?
The men are usually reasonably happy & most times proud.
The women, I have not met many but the ones whom I have met are not exactly blissfully happy with the arrangement. Some find a point where they decide: no more drama & sucked it in. So they become happy (I guess) in that choice that they have made. Or rather, they decide that they will no longer participate in drama/ negativity/ stress. There are worse problems in life.

Maybe I should just stay single for the rest of my life AND if I do live long enough in a healthy state, I should probably marry someone many years my senior with a few more years to live (based on the national mortality rate, the male I should be aiming for should be aged at least 70). [Holy Crap!!!]
Because maybe then I would be (re)asssured that he will not stray? If I wait till my children are grown (and the youngest reaches 18), that is another 10 years at least. Oh boy. Good Luck Madam!

So scary. Why did I even get married in the first place? Purely due to the folly of youth I suspect.

And because it was fated (see previous entry). Let's just leave it at & carry on.