As the World is Changing

As the world is changing...

I am at home playing Homescapes.. not even a widely known game that many would relate to, but a ho-hum rearranging game..

I am still struggling a little with finances and a bit apprehensive about my cashflow once the moratorium ends this month..

I am delaying/ postponing/ proscrastinating things, which result will make my life better, like spring-cleaning the house (why is my feet so heavy????)

I am lucky to still have my job despite how lazy I have been sometimes..

Sometimes I get affected with FB postings even though I KNOW for a fact that these postings does NOT reflect everyone's happy shiny-looking lives..

I probably have some unresolved issues with social skills, until today! Which implies that perhaps I have some autism spectrum? Or am I just an extreme introvert?

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT IT?

What triggered this blog today was: firstly the death (or rather, the repercussions) of Sushant Singh Rajput. It happened some time ago but the aftermath is unfolding as we speak. The girlfriend's role, Sushant's identity and belonging to the Bollywood echelon, the speculation that he had drugs and mental issues, and the overarching request by his family to be left alone to grieve. Granted Sushant had taken all his secrets to the grave: what he was or was not, his aspirations, his psyche, his wants and needs. My kepohchi mind has a few more spinoff speculations which I would not entertain as they're unproductive.

Secondly it was my former classmate's FB post about him attending ASEAN ministerial meetings since morning. I had wanted to be a diplomatic officer. Compared to him I was smarter. I had obtained much higher grades in Uni. This is evidence that booksmarts is not smart enough. 

I had SO wanted it, but circumstances of married life did not support that sort of wish or dream. And I do blame myself too. Should have fought harder. Should have made better choices. Should have done more, but I was a conflict-avoider.. and a bit too lazy to be superwoman. On Saturday during the Final Year Project workshop, one of the getting-to-know you question was: what was your ambition growing up? I wrote flight attendant. That was my first one that is originally mine. I wanted to be that person that get to travel and see the world while working. Why not? Other were: doctor (this was influenced by 'higher authority'), an English teacher and I had one more which I had forgotten (maybe a far-fethced one like "astronaut" or something, just because the teacher asked us to come up with something original). I ended up doing law in Uni and now I am a law teacher. Okaylah.

Now for some odd reason I am chasing the lofty diplomatic dream again. To work with ASEAN. My credentials do not support it. Well I am a bit far off the well-trodden path of a diplomat. I do not know where to begin, and I suspect neither do the hiring party.. but I do wish in my heart of hearts that they give me one shot. At least a 5 minute interview.. or 10.. pleaseeeeee!

In the meantime I will do whatever it is that I am doing now. The job that I would have done for 17 years (come 1 October 2020)- it is already actually longer than my first married life. So my dearest girl, what inferences can we make: Do you possibly enjoy teaching a little (perhaps)? Should you administer the 'career discernment' test on yourself then (and literally go back to the drawing board)? The pity party should not extend beyond the age of 35.. or 40.. or 45 perhaps? Would I like to move on perhaps?