Blame it on Youth?

For my first marriage, he was the same age as me. We dated in university and married right after graduation. I bore 5 of his children and after 15 years of marriage he found someone younger and better. We divorced on the year during what would have been our 16th anniversary.

For this second marriage I found someone a tad older, he was my senior in high school. He had never been married & had his own ways, which I adapt to. I appreciate his maturity, the way he looks at things. We have wonderful conversations about anything in the world. Now after 5 years of marriage, I may face an impending indiscretion. 

Men always talk about it, about finding a second one. Especially after a certain age. 40 comes to mind, or 50 (or maybe even 60 or 70? I don't know, because I haven't reached the age yet). They consider themselves in their prime as their wives approach perimenopause or menopause (I am looking at relationships like mine, whose wives are about the same age; having met them at school or university). Somehow they go on a lookout (or gives the impression that they do) for younger girls who are all that. Their wives used to be young and hot too. And the husbands themselves are not young either. 

Yet somehow men's market opened when they reach 40s or 50s as their bank account and wallet sizes expanded. And the men freely and openly state that their wives have let themselves go, tak jaga imej, selekeh and all that. Like THEY have been gorgeous all these while. And ironically we prepared their clothes and clean their underwears & socks, polished their shoes so they could look presentable. A friend of mine even buys clothes for her (ex) husband, good ones that match him and made him more fashionable BECAUSE he was her husband and she wanted him to look good. He got all dressed up and left. Is this the thanks we get? 

I hate to generalise, and it is not fair to, because there are still many wonderful faithful men out there. My late father, and late grandfathers on both sides,  were all loyal to a fault. I guess we get who we get. I get the unfaithful or experimental ones. Lucky me.

Well I can probably blame me for being too busy, or not taking care of my image, or for not taking care of him BUT I will not do that. Some men stray no matter WHAT you do. I happen to attract those types. Or I just don't have the skills to take care of a husband. Some people can & some people cannot. I am likely the latter.

Today I am reminded of Umi's words. Mum says the unlikeliest things but sometimes it makes total sense. Her strategy, for this modern era: marry someone gorgeous, have some gorgeous looking children and when he leaves you have beautiful children. Well that strategy is not bad but may not work if you marry royalty (the father may keep the children) or a really wealthy guy (you may be pressured to give up custody). Umi added: well if he stays faithful then you're in luck. If not at least you have beautiful children. Well it's too late for me to try that out because I am no longer of child bearing age.

So my next plan is to just finish the PhD and move on with my life. I can achieve things without him. He had been a wonderful support, I don't deny that. I wouldn't have reached this far had I still been in my ex-husband's clutches. However it is time to move on. I have things to do and stuff to achieve.