Anak Kadi/ Anak Imam

My late father was a Kadi/ Qadhi.

I remembered asking him, when I was about 9 or 10 (it didn't occur to me to ask earlier): "Baba, what do you do?". He initially giggled, and said you've never known what I do? (because he brings us to his office quite often; but going to the office is not akin to knowing what your father does).

He had answered along these lines "Well, I marry people off, and sometimes when things do not go well in their marriage, I listen & provide counseling". I didn't ask anything more after that & went off to either go to the kitchen, or play with my brothers.

When I was in high school (an all-girls' school), I got to know that there is only 1 Kadi in 1 district. His job was apparently pretty important. One day he came to my school during a Maal Hijrah event. He gave a speech/ sermon about family & becoming the best person in that family (for our context, he advised us to be good children & students; and since there are teachers in the audience, he advised on being a good husband/ wife/ parent). I was glad that the school did not announce that he had a daughter studying there (I would have DIED), but some teachers and friends knew. I wish they didn't, because I am happy being an unknown student. That day I saw a different side of him, and from his content understood (somewhat) his dynamics with Umi (mum) and us siblings. He was funny too, and engaging. Many students normally do not pay attention to Islamic-infused speeches/ sermons, but his was on fire and held their attention (if I may say so myself).

A Kadi/ Qadhi is a religious role, because the marriage solemnisation (and also counseling) will be done in accordance with Islamic rites and principles. Incidentally I would have loved to have him marry me off (looking back he probably would not have approved of BOTH choices), but for the fact that he passed away in 1991. I was merely 17 then.

As a Kadi's daughter, I was supposed to be well-behaved and proper. I was not, but I had to pretend to be . By pretending, I guess I walked the middle ground of being not totally pious but not totally naughty either. Well I wasn't a terrible student. I had my A's in school and I was one of the performers during major exams (not top 10, but may be top 20%?). I kept my nose clean. When the other girls were dating the High School boys, I minded my own business & often wonder who I will date eventually (that is another story for another day).

My paternal cousin's wife is the daughter of an Imam. Her father leads prayers in a masjid in Bachok, and sometimes give sermons (as well as marriage counseling) to the congregation. Someone like a Kadi, and nowadays Imams may also be certified to solemnise marriages. She, I think, is somewhat like me. We do not wear "tudung labuh", nor do we share preachings daily on our FB pages. 

We are, how shall I say, the moderate children of our religious fathers.

May I also say that I appreciate Baba for allowing me to be myself, and for not raising me in a very rigid way. I love you Baba, always and forever.