Baseline for "acceptable" behaviour

We each have different expectations from marriage, or rather from the person we marry.

For me, I expect me to be respectful of my husband, fulfil his needs (within means, because I have my own needs too, and I work, and I have 5 children), be supportive (also within means, because I have some strong opinions sometimes), and loyal. Something along the lines of a company director's standard of behaviour, who owes "fiduciary duty" = hence I must take care of my husband's best interest at all times.

What I expect from hubby is primarily loyalty. I do not expect to be regaled, or to be bought expensive things, or for him to spend his days in and out with me, or endless holidays. I have my own money & I will get what I want when I have the money for it. I do appreciate getting help for the 'manly' stuff such as fixing the car or electrical repairs (because I am not interested in those, but now maybe I should take some interest, OR at least know the numbers of our friendly neighbourhood electricians, car repairmen and plumbers). 

Ex-hubby may have felt not needed in the marriage; he had said he felt like an ATM just dispensing money and not being involved in the marriage or the children's upbringing (he made that choice, he could have inquired how I was coping, handling everything); I may have neglected him, did not fulfil his needs (etc) and he went into another's ready arms.

Current hubby had emotional attachments to others during our marriage and provided comfort to these folks throughout our marriage. He thought nothing of it, because these relationships were not sexual, and he comes home to me (what's the big deal, since he has known them far longer than he had known me). From where I stand, my trust had been violated because he was supposed to focus on me & not on others, no matter how forlorn or needy they might be! Shouldn't they refer to their respective husbands or a therapist for these things? Why encroach into our marriage & discuss me even? If you want to be unfaithful please leave me out of it.

I have very clear lines drawn in the sand, and this one (of loyalty) has clearly been crossed. Once this happens, he can no longer decide anything on my behalf.

From either marriage, I do not expect Romeo & Juliet, or Marc Anthony & Cleopatra, or Helen of Troy-level of love. My bare minimum is to be loved and respected. Not even the utmost attention, because I have to have my space too.  Honestly not even birthdays or anniversaries, I don't really celebrate them. Just be there for me & try to understand me, that's it really. Maybe I should elevate this expectation the next time, until someone shows up (or never). I am okay either way. Marriage or romantic relationships are completely beyond me.

Maybe I am not easy to love? I put it down to that. I am not manja, or needy, or subservient, or a lifetime-companion-type person. At this moment I will be comfortable alone and take care of the children. They really have no choice but to be with me; we cannot be divorced; and our love for each other is unconditional, bound by blood.