Sunday, April 27, 2025

Epiphany

Mom have said to me: as a woman, look for someone who loves you more than you love him.
Because a woman can learn to love that man, and a good man is hard to find.
Did I listen? Of course NOT!

There was someone like that in my past (or maybe two). One I knew in high school but did not think too much about it, because I thought he was kidding. The second one I met during A-Levels, literally served on a platter, but I was too oblivious to it all. The second one, he was like Cary Elwes' character in the movie Princess Bride 'as you wish', or like Forrest Gump to Jenny. He would have done anything I asked, probably. However I've never tested this, because I don't do that to people. I do not lead people on except on one occasion when I asked him to accompany me for dinner, and he did. And that was that. I just didn't feel the zing and didn't feel that it was fair to string him along. He passed away a few years ago; before that he had found a lovely girl to settle down with, and had 2 sons with her. 

Instead I looked for bad boys who are smooth with their words & romanced the bejezuz out of me. What did that come to? A lot of excitement & adventure in the beginning, followed by huge disappointments. On both occasions. Apparently other women liked bad boys too. Well, they're all yours now folks!

Today, the 3-hour drive to mom's brought me an epiphany. What if my soulmate IS waiting in heaven... that's why my marriages on earth did not work out? Maybe. I really won't know, until I get to Heaven. I hope and pray that I do. My supposed soulmate had a good chance of a good afterlife and high possibility of heaven, on the basis that he was a good person through and through. How would I fare? At the very least enough for me to meet him when the time comes, I hope and pray. I have to ask him, and get it out of my system. Until then, I will keep my nose clean and take care of my health. No more relationships for sure. I can now focus on me and the children, and my career, and business.

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