Crunch time

Ooooh I'm totally stressed up!!! As I sit here to write I can feel a stress knot appearing on my right shoulder. Funny how in touch I am with my body at this age. I'm trying to relax myself now and avoid the onset of a tension headache, a Level 2 stress indicator..

I want to go to the petting zoo this weekend, please! The kids would totally love it!

I have to complete these copious information for the new subjects by the 1st and I have not the time to do it. Wait, I MUST tell myself that I CAN DO IT! YES, I CAN! Let's overcome the stress and get moving girl! One bite at a time, let's take that second bite now..!

Less is More

A manager just released a lengthy email detailing changes in certain modules, followed by a lengthy FAQ in red, no less. So much information and so little time.. my approach will be to keep it short and sweet.. at the risk of people not understanding the content (a colleague's view). I'll be having class at 12. Today everyone waits in anticipation for their salaries. The big question is: Will there be increments as promised? Funny how dependent we have become on something so uncertain. I wonder if the big guns enjoy observing us little people, exasperated and anxious. New novel theme? Could work. Why not? Mr Dinky and the Little People. There was a cartoon once about the Littles. And I'd better check whether Mr Dinky is a trademark/ copyright. In yesterday's NST there was an article on Luc Besson and his foray into writing children's books. Interesting.. and I'm happy that his books are doing well. Now.. off to class!

Multiple Intelligences

I've just completed my session for the Students' Induction Briefing. I did a quick session on multiple intelligences. I hope that the students have taken home something useful. Some couldn't wait to go- can't blame them really, since they've had a pretty long day.

I found something interesting today. I am no longer nervous with the student crowd. I am somehow able to take command of the situation and not let them buzz out of control like the former intakes I used to teach.

Gotta to mosey on home now.. tomorrow I'll be in KL first thing in the morning.

A Muddled Brain

Been thinking of a lot of things lately.. talked to mum last night and she's still undergoing the same condition. I checked about fibroids on the Internet & the good thing is that it's not malignant. That's one thing out of the way. Next is to consider the treatment. Gee, there's a whole site on fibroids alone www.fibroids.com. I suspect that it's a common condition, but one that I was ignorant of. I really don't know what to do.. I'm feeling quite helpless now. This house deal is still unresolved and money is tied down due to it. At the same time I'm also feeling guilty. I'm such a bad daughter, I really wish that I could do more for her.

Here I am, pouring my heart out to the whole world.. never imagined that this would happen. If at all anyone stumbles upon this site, good wishes will do... and I do believe in collective good wishes and prayers...

What happens now? I have to stay focused & eat the elephant one bite at a time. These are temporary challenges and they can be resolved.

It's already 12- I guess I'll make my way to the Sports Village for the Sports Carnival. I'd much rather go home to the 4th season of Sopranos actually. But then again, I've rationalised it.. since the students have done so much to put it together, why don't I just drag my backside there and show some support. That much I'll do.. end of discussion. PERIOD.

Mortal Enemy Revisited

There was a girl whom I knew during Form 1 in JB. She and 2 others used to taunt me to no end and I secretly wished them death. It could be partly my fault as well, for not standing up for my rights but it was so much easier then (at 13) to be vindictive. As I found out, she now sends her child to the same pre-school my child goes to. I hope the upbringing that raised her to be a bully doesn't transfer to the child. I guess I have forgiven her (to some extent) since I was able to face her & talk to her like a civil person the other time we met. We got to the point of even exchanging numbers for courtesy's sake, without any real plan to call back.

In a way I have moved on with my life. I did not allow bullies like her to affect me in later years. That was a good outcome from an unpleasant experience. I am 30 now and I have, since then, gotten to know myself better and come to terms with who I am. What I can say now is that I am happy with the choices that I have made.. and I have belief that life will get better & better.

Off to a Brilliant Start..?

I just spent close to 2 hours explaining the assessment content to an overseas lecturer. That's not very brilliant with respect to time management, I would admit.. but I have excellent plans for later.

I'm having one of those headaches again. I feel that a shuteye will do me good.. a siesta, how wonderful is that? I'll have to go for fitness test later during tkd. I tell myself that I can do it.. sometimes not thinking too much about something helps. Too much deliberation stops your from taking action. Which reminds me.. I've got to finalise the content for Tuesdays's briefing. I'm hoping that the new students will get something useful from the experience.

The Day after Tuesday

It's only Wednesday & it's as if a large chunk of my week has flown.. and I haven't accomplished anything substantial..

Apparently Rafidah Aziz is in hot soup regarding the AP issue.. just read the papers 2 minutes ago.. a crying Rafidah was posted on the front page of major papers, that I noticed on my way to work.

Politics is beyond me on most occasions, but I believe this will be interesting to observe.

Groundhog Day

I was just leaving the LRT this morning when it struck me how repetitive and 'ritualistic' my life has become. I have nothing more to say beyond that.. don't want to depress myself even further.

I am currently summarising a talk by a colleague about business opportunities arising from globalisation. Pretty interesting actually, once I understood the contents. I did a search on generation C and stumbled upon www.trendwatching.com.. very informative indeed. And inspiring as well.. there are lots of business opportunities out there.. and my mind is buzzing with some.. maybe I'll run them by hubby tonite and get his opinion.

I read something this morning on the way to work in the LRT.. that to keep afloat in business, "don't run out of cash". That's keeping it simple.. and that is an area that I have to work on. This is a cycle that I have to break and emerge victorious at the end of the day. I have to have belief in myself and run with it. Waiting will just kill my spirits and increase my anxiety level. What I need is a plan and I need it now. Funny how my hubby is much better at all this business stuff and he'd rather not take the risk. Here I am green and wide eyed, wanting to be an entrepreneur without knowing any better. Maybe sometimes it's better not to think too much about it. My tendency to plan till no end has gotten me depressed more than anything. I am, however, aware that I need information and action to succeed at my business venture.

I would have to set a realistic goal, the simplest being a sales target of some kind. If I run a business from home then the capital won't break my bank (in the assumption that I had any to break..).

I might now appear like someone who cannot focus very well.. what about the book? It definitely has to get finished by the due date. Give me that first to achieve. I could also be a writer-entrepreneur, how's about that?

Friday 15 July 2005

This is a darn quiet Friday.. and my life is pretty messed up now.. don't know what to do.. I don't know where everybody has gone.. all the clusters appear to be empty. Right now all that I can do is wait.. in my mind I'd already run a baking business from home, how about that? Instead, I have become hopeless in my finances with no plan B. Having no money after retirement is a rather scary prospect. I have to depend on myself in this respect.

Thursday 14 July 2005

I'm on 1/2 day leave today. Went to the EPF office.. I was rather impressed with their efficiency. Everything got done within minutes & the officer was very helpful.

Now I've gotta give a test for my LAB students. Gotta go get some answer sheets from admin. As you can see, I'm not in my 'talkative' mood today. Might be going back to BP this weekend.

Ah, at least tomorrow's Friday :-)

Wednesday 13 July 2005

My blood is boiling now. I thought the blasted moderation will take less than 1 hour but it did not! I don't have the chance to look at the project student's document!!!!! Will continue later.. currently too bz to even blink!

Tuesday 12 July 2005

A few reasons to blog:-
- It's a wonderful escape from real life for a tortured soul like myself (ain't I dramatic?)
- It's an avenue to express my thoughts
- To improve my writing skills
- To be wacky at my own expense
- To have something I could call my own blablibla...

Monday 12 July 2005

I've just finished a 15-minute lunch, literally. It was fast food from KFC, a fairly healthy one I would say (but for the mustard and mayo..). They took less than 5 to meet my order & I took about 10 minutes to gobble everything up. That's lunch on the go for me. I'm the type of person who feels guilty to use a lot of time deliberating what to eat and to spend time chatting over lunch. My workmates are either going to or coming from class & it's much easier to lunch solo.. so I eat what I want and WHEN. I have irregular eating hours so I go when I feel like it (between 12 & 2 that is, and sometimes after 3 if I have classes that goes on during lunch hour).

Yesterday night I actually sat down and took an effort to recall my life experiences with Dad.. although I spent only 17 years with him before his untimely death in 1991 (with the first 5 years being pretty vague).. I happen to remember quite a bit. I'll continue with the recollections tonite. And the next time I meet Mum I'll make it a point to ask her all the burning questions. Why do I do it? It's mainly a self quest since I somehow missed Dad to this day, and due to my curiosity: how he had lived his life in childhood and as a youth?

As an adult, whenever I recall the things that he did I was somehow able to rationalise his actions in relation to his position as the head of the family, and mainly as a parent. And this book, when completed is hoped to be a companion for my brothers who never had the chance to grow up in his presence.. and for my own kids, who never got to knew Granddad. It's pretty weird sometimes that I have this will (a want, perhaps) to have him around.. not that I have the knowledge in witchcraft to bring back the dead, nor that I even wanted to (but that's beside the question!). I do hope that whereever he is, he is loved and is well taken care of by God Almighty. We definitely love you to bits Dad and miss you terribly even till today. Goodbye Dad and God bless!

Saturday 9 July 2005

Just completed our weekly staff meeting and part marking of a student project. I'll review each of them one by one..

Staff meeting.. (or staff announcement?). The 2 key people were not here so the meeting was fairly short, to my relief. I've been asked to 'assist' in a language programme that'll be starting on 15 July and that requires 10 hours from my weekly workload. Some assistance, aint' it? I would have been more willing had I known what is happening. It's like having a stab in the dark when you don't know the structure of the module OR what the heck you're supposed to do. Neverthless, I am a good person and a contributor to the general well-being of the organisation and I have (reluctantly) agreed to undertake the task.. what will become of me, only time will tell.

Somehow I feel that I have become more negative these days. Maybe another fictional book will be about an organisation that has an overload of information.. and the staff are drowning in the sea of endless documentation.. that'll be interesting. And the moral is: less is more. I'll need to know the information I need to do my job. If I'm curious of others' activities/ job scope/ progress, I'll find out about it, won't I?

As for the student project.. do not even get me started on it! Dude, all those research and no application? What were you thinking? I'll say that much and that's it.. any more and I'll be moving closer to 'suspended lecturers' list. Contrary to popular belief, rights of speech is actually very limited in this neck of the woods especially when you have these fee-paying parents who presumes that the lecturers are on their payroll. I do not want to be in the position that would require me to justify my actions when I really don't have to.. sometimes avoidance is best :p

Oh well, I have made my peace and I will now make my way home to my kids and the remainder of my weekend. Hubby will be back maybe after 3, once he has completed his packing. Maybe I should do some drawing with the kids today.. and go to the park later. Tomorrow is my 'glorious' monthly shopping day. Ciao!

Friday 8 July 2005

Today is the day after the London Underground bombings. Who in the manner of heavens could be so cruel? There was an admission yesterday.. but I do hope that the UK police force will conduct a thorough investigation before pinning the responsibility on any organisation (or any country) in particular. I do trust that a proper inquiry will be carried out. Let's not attack another country just because of a presumption of involvement in the bombings or WMD possession..?

Makes me worry about what the world is coming to.. maybe it's true that the world is ending, there have been too many deaths just this year alone.. yet I'd like to think that people aren't beyond rescue.. there is still hope and love and trust, despite all the chaos and despair. This gives me an idea.. another LOTR-like instalment? About warring nations and their Intelligence..? Well, LOTR was written during the WW2 and a colleague who claims to be a fan confirms that whatshisname (not Saruman but the one in cohorts with him, the name escapes me at this particular moment..) is an embodiment of someone who is absolutely evil (i.e. Hitler)

I've just come back from lunch with the wife of my former boss and we had a blast- she was so much more relatable than that former boss of mine for obvious reasons. We are both Scorpios and we are both women who enjoy a meaningful conversation. The prawn teppanyaki was simply delightful! I took the Putra LRT to KLCC and can't help but imagine the panic the bombings must have created in the hearts of the London Underground commuters.

Now, back to work.. I have been handed 3 volumes of student projects for marking.. how great is that?

Thursday 7 July 2005

I received an e-mail from Tina.. somehow she's intrigued about the fact that I have taken up tkd. Tkd might be the only thing that I'm doing for myself at this moment. It's my personal pride that I won the silver medal for pomsea, despite the fact that the competition merely involved 5 colleges in the Klang Valley :p

Sometimes I will be desperate for change and sometimes I just feel anxious.. life can be so out of control that you don't have a clue what to do..

However, I feel that I have made some good decisions in this life so far.. One: to have married my hubby Two: to have all my 3 kids; Three: to have left legal practice for education. Those were the significant ones and I'm sure that there'll be many more good decisions to come. My next move is to either go into writing or public speaking (or both). I'm currently working on the writing effort albeit at a snail's pace. I'll get to 30 Spetember 2005 with my manuscript completed and ready for publication. Now, let's get some work done woman!

Wednesday 6 July 2005

I had lunch just now with hubby @ Eastin, no less.. with their fancy presentation and all..

Took a hellish ride in a taxi there.. the driver honked at practically every car that failed to move the SECOND the lights turned green.

Gotta get back to work now.. can't afford to be distracted.. got a due date to meet!

Tuesday 5 July 2005

Another day at the office.. today started off with a lot of anxiety.. suddenly there seems to be a lot of things to do :p

Despite feeling anxious, I've got things under control. I'm thinking more about the manuscript rather than anything else. It's already the 5th of July and at this rate, will I be able to finish my novel by 30 September? I've gotta have the discipline. Not fulfilling this goal will bring me to a downward spiral. It's the first word of the first page that'll get everything started. Am I thinking too small? Or am I wearing too many hats? Maybe compartmentalising my hours of the day might help? I remember reading about "time block" when updating the PDM materials. Somehow it seems easier to do time blocks when you're doing a single project. It's a tad harder to do when you have a million things to accomplish.

Let's keep it simple, shall we? How to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. For my case, let's do it 1 day at a time. Break down the 24 hours into meaningful slots for me to accomplish my mini goals. 1 page a day, how about it?

Monday 4 July 2005

I'm surprised that many drivers actually looked dazed this morning.. it's the Monday blues, I guess. It's Independence Day for the U.S. of A today.. I'm feeling alright, despite the routines.. Two of my intakes have finished and I have a little bit of time for admin work (a necessary evil). This is what I love about teaching. The "pauses": the end of a semester, the study breaks, the celebration holidays.. And the fact that you see your students grow from 1 level to the next. I sincerely hope that I have been a positive influence to at least a couple of them.

Hubby is not well today. He's staying home- told me that he'll be going to the clinic after. The intranet has gone off again, just when I was trying to check my timetable.

The meeting with the gang last Friday night went pretty well.. we shared updates about our significant others & offsprings & our jobs. Some have taken up smoking. I contribute it to on-the-job stress and the general pressures of life. It's a no-brainer for me: why spend all that money on something that'll make you very ill at the end of the day? But then.. hubby also smokes and I've carried out my duty as the non-smoking ambassador as far as I can. I believe that there are more elements at work here apart from just the $. What about the billion dollars tobacco industry? Despite all the "tak nak" campaigns, there are new smokers every day. The habit must be terribly addictive- otherwise personal resolve would have been enough to quit smoking. Despite all the nicotine patches & campaigns & support, people continue smoking. There is definitely something bigger at work here. Gotta sign off now.. I'm supposed to write a "report" on the gathering but I don't know what to say :p

Friday 1 July 2005

I love Friday mornings. Half of the year has officially passed. Can't wait to see everyone later tonite..!! Good news for me: I have FINALLY started my "manuscript". Now considering a few genres for the storyboard. Later I'll do my selection. The due date: 30 Sept 2005.

TKD training yesterday went very well.. the master comments that my left-leg kicks are much stronger than my right. Maybe I could consider sparring once my kicks become stronger.. I could probably participate next year.. gotta strengthen my back and abs first. My participation in the sparring event is very appealing in theory but scary in reality. I'd hate to go through the injuries again. Gotta go to KL now.. shuttle leaves at 9.00.