The Holy Union

When I was young, I had such a good impression of 'marriage'. My parents had a wonderful (albeit short) relationship. They were married 18 years when Baba passed away. My grandparents aunts uncles generally have lasting marriages. Maybe external families would have feigned happiness during our short visits (this is my devil's advocate mind working double time) but overall I consider marriage a good thing, a generally positive experience. One that leads to growth/ maturity/ belonging.

Now with two failed marriages, I am unable to impart the same confidence in marriage to my children or people around me. Friends are literally divided now. His side and my side. I really don't mind if they all take his side and discount me as 'too demanding'. I am an introvert and I prefer being alone than being with a lot of people, and I probably don't mind taking all the blame. 

'Marriage' cannot answer for itself, for it is the people in the marriage who will make it work. 

'Marriage' is the presence of the other through thick and thin. The promise to respect honour and cherish for life. To be a faithful companion, the keeper of all secrets and things buried deep in our hearts not meant for public consumption. To stay when things get tough. To be with each other in good and bad times. To trust that the other person will hold your heart with care and not crush it mercilessly.

'Marriage' is probably is not the answer. Rather, it is a means towards a particular end shaped by the parties in that marriage. It is mutually agreed, shaped by sheer will and resilience. 

'Marriage' done right, I believe, can be satisfying and fulfilling for both parties. How to do it right, unfortunately, to me is very much a mystery. Like Bermuda Triangle. Or Yeti. Mythical even. 

'Marriage' is not a flash in the pan, neither it is as happy as the wedding celebration that many would strenuously prepare for. I'm wondering: if people had paid more attention to the post-wedding relationship more than the wedding, would more marriages have worked out?

'Marriage' is holy, so holy that if anyone ever studied marriage properly he/she may not even try getting married. Maybe I was overly optimistic, or plain moronic to miss all the red flags. 

'Marriage' is not something that worked for me. I get bored too easily, I demand too much from my partner, I find fault, I projected my anxiety too much, I am too unstable.

'Marriage', I am sorry I could not make you/ us work out. Let me continue the rest of my journey on my own, fueled by the strength of those who have walked the path before me in solitude.