I AM ALRIGHT

I've decided that...

I will be alright today,
I will be alright tomorrow,
I'll be alright next week,
I'll be alright in the coming months,
I'll be absolutely fine next year,
... and I will be smashing for the rest of my life!

I had married early, immediately after completing my undergraduate degree, to my first love... someone who I had thought will be my partner till the day I die.

We built a home together in the suburbs, had 5 adorable children and built reasonably good careers.

Alas, it was not meant to be. God has better plans for me, for him, for the children. This particular marriage/ partnership was not meant to be for life. We survived a mere 16 years, a feat, considering the many challenges we had faced- the ups and downs.

We divorced a year and a half ago (on paper we cited "the other woman" as the reason, but in reality it was because of 101 things that didn't go right with the marriage)... and life for me has been quite wonderful ever since (once the anger/ sadness/ angst stage was over, that is).

Right now, the road is open wide. No rules, no mutual plans, no restrictions. I can do what I want when I want it, yet I am still a little bit stumped. What do I do now?

Whatever I decide to do, it will be in the children's best interest. We have brought them into the world and the least we can do is raise them the best we can. In this respect I am grateful that their father has taken a reasonable proactive role in being the financial provider.

In the meantime, I had met someone and (long story short) it didn't quite work out as we could not compromise on our expectations. Still, he remains my rock, someone whom I can turn to whenever I'm in need. Our paths have crossed for a reason, and it is not matrimony. We probably can remain as friends, once we step back & work out how to skirt the "feelings" part.

So this is the journey that I will make, with love in my heart. There are no mistakes or regrets, only learning experiences. I will march forward in my own rhythm and keep shining!

Lost

Currently feeling forlorn. Aimless. Heavy-hearted

This too, shall pass.

Embrace the feeling of loneliness. This is who I am. I am complete. I am enough. I will trudge along forward and I will not turn back.

Go  , Girl. Live your life the way YOU want it. Try everything at least. Then I'll try Eiffel Tower. Write. Travel. Teach. Live.

Remnants of Anger|Pain

Scratch the surface of anger and you will reveal pain. Anger is a defense mechanism to disguise the pain/ sorrow. ONE FINE DAY, I will look back at this experience and give it a smirk. YOU DID NOT DESTROY ME. I am fine and I am enough.

No random self-smug idiot can take that away from me.

Remnants of Sorrow

The days are getting better. It has been 1 year 5 months and 7 days since the divorce. But who's counting. Haha.

A good friend of mine told me after 2 years I'll be completely alright. And the ex would be just like any other person who had passed through my life. I'll take her word for it. I am getting better and the days WILL be brighter, damn it.

Currently am feeling like a void is residing within me. That longing. Not that I am longing for ANYONE in particular, it's just that I have never discovered or entertained this feeling while being (happily or unhappily) married, I dunno.. I can't decide.

Now I am with the children. Thank goodness for children to love and keep me company and get on my nerves every other day. So hugs & kisses are to be reserved for my beloved.