Who Do I Love?

In my heart of hearts, in an all-consuming kindred-spirit soul-mate type of love it is probably N. However no matter how right he is for me, he has found the right person for him (he married her and they're raising a beautiful family together) & it is heartbreaking for me to go through that situation. The overall outcome will not lead to my (our) happiness.

I love S in a calm, trusting, balanced sort of way. I love how his mind works & I respect him a lot, for what he has gone through. Basically he is a street-smart ass-kicking guy.. and as direct as hell. In that respect we are matched & we do not take offence. We can express ourselves & embrace each others' comments because we are similar in that way. We share the same star sign too, and it is said that for our star sign we would either love or loathe each other: S is the former.

Mr Ex, I had loved him in my younger days in a crazy fuel-driven high expectation way. We were physically attracted to each other and sexually we were completely compatible to say the least, however we did not change as we grew older. We became sullen and angry and bored of each other eventually.. and the story ended. No more love. Goodbye & perhaps good riddance. I do still feel a tinge of regret because we could have been great together if we had pushed forward & tried just a little bit harder & made some changes. Well now these don't matter anymore anyways. I'd rather start anew with someone else than uncover the smelly rotting compost of our past relationship.

Who should I marry? Am I ready? Does S want to settle down? The message I get is that he's willing to wait. So, do we wait? (for what?). Until then I will take care of myself & hope that the energy of the universe will come together to make this work.