Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Longing

When we were married we hardly held hands anywhere.. and Mr Ex would walk 5 feet ahead of me, perhaps ashamed to be associated with me and the children..

With Aishah they held hands & took photos close together.. and he had the broadest smile ever. How so very heartbreaking.

N seemed to have taken interest again in his former flame in the group, what with her trip to Paris & all. Whatever. It is a free country the last time I checked. He is free to do whatever he wants.

S is leaving for UK & Spain early next month.. and just before that he will be golfing in Perth. I will be by myself & I'll be alright. I have to decide that, because no one will be happy on my behalf. I have GOT TO lift myself out of the pits.

Back to the point that I wanted to make.. it pains me therefore when certain married women ridicules the things that many people long for.. the companion.. the man you marry is so very precious because he takes care of you & loves you & is there for you always. I see family photos & I see people who have made a commitment to stay together no matter how bad things get, because there are good times too. In fact if we adjust our lenses there are many wonderful beautiful things that we will see.. more than the awful things that he does to irritate you.

I should do the same. I should see the good & stay focused. Let myself be loved even if I am completely & devastatingly terrified. Let's do this: the credo "when you love a man let him go, when he comes back you then it's meant to be".. and if he doesn't, then there are many more men waiting & even if I have to be on my own, I'll manage (in fact I'll be FABULOUS).

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