Source of Anger

The trigger was a gathering involving a single lady who cooked "pulut durian" for the boys who happen to be married and did not bring their wives along. This was my sinister view of it.

In actual fact it was an innocent request and the girls (not just that single girl) magnanimously agreed as the host, to celebrate the guests.. and there were many guests who attended, not just S and his married friends.

Somehow I still have low self-esteem. Blew my top which caught S completely by surprise. I asked him to choose the girl if he wants & I will walk away readily. In hindsight this reaction was abnormal, given that we are quite settled in the relationship and he is rather enamoured with me.

So yesterday when he returned we talked about various stuff. I am so glad he is mature and handled me well. If he were as immature as I was, the discussion would have been disastrous.

My oh my, what have I done? I must learn to relax and calm down and not jump to conclusions. Let's just live in the moment. Focus on MY life and the children. The trauma of infidelity is not easy to get over with, even when I am in a secure loving relationship. I do love him yet I am completely scared. I have read somewhere that this attitude will ruin a current relationship.

What attitude will I take with S? Will just enjoy the moment & chill. He loves me and we are headed towards marriage, so I have to learn to calm down. He is a good person, hopefully we have compatibility.. and I suppose the rest is left to fate. (I am completely terrified!)