In Rogue One (spoiler alert!) the movie ended when planet Scariff was decimated by the Death Star. One defining moment (I thought) was when Jyn (with the look that said 'this could have been wonderful' and 'I have so much to tell you had we had more time' and 'OH GOSH!!!' all rolled into one) hugged Cassian and embraced their impending doom.
Don't you love those types of endings? Being with the person who matter when your world comes crashing down (literary). And perhaps not having to suffer many years together and discovering that all that romance wasn't what it is cracked up to be.. that he is (despite all his rebel force attitude and what-have-yous), in fact a slob.
Yup dying together in a fantastic end is much better.. than growing bored of each other, or fighting, or having him leave you for another.
The skepticism will never leave me I think. So perhaps I should never ever get into any relationship, because I will flee at the slightest suggestion of 'trouble'. And my definition of that word is so broad it is effing ridiculous.
Honestly I kinda pity S for being treated this way. I really do not know how to do this romance thing properly. Deep in my heart I don't want to disappoint anyone or waste anybody's time, especially if he is able to find someone more eligible.
It is probably also my self-esteem (or ego?) issue. Being with me is his choice to make.. yet I wonder if he would have liked to make other choices before he decides to settle down (or does he even want to settle down?). See how I am getting myself confused and mired in a self-inflicted controversy?
S mentioned once: why are you so sad all the time? Hmm.. maybe I was born that way (I dunno).. So right now what do I do with this situation?
Like what I do with any situation involving romantic relationships, I may likely flee. For the simple fact that I really don't know how to do this.
Children & family are ok for the pure fact that (I had no choice anyway) they can't divorce me. Out of sheer responsibility and unconditional love I will take care of the children and do the best I can.. however I cannot promise the same for S because I may turn out to be a complete slob that he may not have wanted after all *shriek*. If that happens, then what? We'll probably divorce and he would have wasted all his time and money and feelings.
Yes I know the above sound completely childish & immature.. and now perhaps I understand how S feels.. but how do I change? Do I want to change? Do I need to change? (A life coach would probably be helpful right about now).
What I can promise though, is that I will respond in a patient & rational way. I will not impose my expectations on him and we'll probably have to take this 'thing' as it comes. However I am unable to promise anything beyond that except that I will be loyal. That's about it really.
The story continues...
