Courage for Marriage
People get married for the romance, and company, and the idea of walking together into the sunset while staring into each others' eyes.. (or so it seems)?
Having done it once, it is not like that at all.
Once the romance is out of the way, the truth will be revealed. Truth: Both of us were sloppy weird needy immature individuals who were raised by two different families and brought up against a wholly diverse set of values that each has learnt for the last 23-24 years (yes, we got married at an impressionable young age).
Once I realised that this is not the person I agreed to marry (#gasp), and he the same, we had had one child.. and the next and the next.. and somehow I was coaxed by the fact that he liked big families. Once the body is destroyed by multiple births he decided to look for someone else whose body is less atrocious (but then this is another story for another time).
Where was I? Yes, about marriage and 2 different people welded together (at times against their will)- yet the whole world expects it to work out. What silliness. What buffoonery.
Actually my theory of marriages that work is: it is not on compatibility, or family, or finances (although good finances do help). It is on grit (Angela Lee Duckworth's TED presentation comes to mind, although her theory relates to education) and the decision that whatever that they're facing, they will be facing it (them) together. You WILL do it if the person is worth it. If you believe in him/ her, and he/she reciprocates. A common objective may also help, as this journey needs a direction.
So will I do this right this time? Unfortunately, I do not know. I may. I hope that I will.
Having done it once, it is not like that at all.
Once the romance is out of the way, the truth will be revealed. Truth: Both of us were sloppy weird needy immature individuals who were raised by two different families and brought up against a wholly diverse set of values that each has learnt for the last 23-24 years (yes, we got married at an impressionable young age).
Once I realised that this is not the person I agreed to marry (#gasp), and he the same, we had had one child.. and the next and the next.. and somehow I was coaxed by the fact that he liked big families. Once the body is destroyed by multiple births he decided to look for someone else whose body is less atrocious (but then this is another story for another time).
Where was I? Yes, about marriage and 2 different people welded together (at times against their will)- yet the whole world expects it to work out. What silliness. What buffoonery.
Actually my theory of marriages that work is: it is not on compatibility, or family, or finances (although good finances do help). It is on grit (Angela Lee Duckworth's TED presentation comes to mind, although her theory relates to education) and the decision that whatever that they're facing, they will be facing it (them) together. You WILL do it if the person is worth it. If you believe in him/ her, and he/she reciprocates. A common objective may also help, as this journey needs a direction.
So will I do this right this time? Unfortunately, I do not know. I may. I hope that I will.
posted by elya at 1:36 pm
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