Outlet

Lots of stuff happened this week:

1- S was out of town & I missed him

2- I decided to tell a very close friend that the guy she is dating is also making a move on me

3- There were some misunderstanding in the alumni society of my batch- as usual I was loud & direct and basically was shut down.. and I didn't bother to reply or justify myself (what for?)

Those were the 3 main ones. I just messaged S and said can we talk to each other once he's back? About stuff. He said sure. My sweetheart.

So I have this storage of a few thousand words. What do I do with it? Partly they were used in giving constructive feedback to my students' assignments.

The balance I am using to blog. Why not. xoxo

The Oldest Trick(s) in the Book

this particular entry is dedicated to my girls..
and probably to all women out there..
on the ways of men..

A man who tells you too early on that:
You're beautiful
You're really gorgeous/ clever/ cute/ sweet
I love you
You mean a lot to me
I have a crush on you/ I have always liked you
I miss you
I want to marry you/ Let's get married

(and can't stop messaging you until you finally relent and agree to go out with him)

would mean to flatter you
yet take a step back
take a whole leap backwards in fact
see yourself and him from the view of a fly on the wall

listen to your mother
listen to your bestest friends
do a silent prayer that he is a good guy
do not be in a hurry to jump into bed with him
just because there is a hint of a marriage proposal

an eventual proposal is an indicator of genuine intent
an actual meeting with your parents to express that intent is the next step
and planning the ceremony (and telling the world about you)
will be a strong indicator that he is serious and would like to commit to you
and him walking down the aisle
and vowing before God that he is your man & you are his woman
shows you a man of courage
and full intent to share his life with you

that you mean much more to him than just a fling

but what if he is not ready
(will he ever be ready?)
(what did he do in the meantime?)

does he treat you well?
does he put you first?
does he prioritise your happiness?
does he appear/ give support during your lowest moment?
has he seen you in your worst and stayed on?
(these usually indicate good intent)

does he praise you to no end?
does he thank his lucky stars that he found you?
that he considers you his soulmate?
(smooth talkers typically operate this way)
yet he may see clumsy or innocent or
like a really good guy that you can probably take home to mom
but he may not be who you think he is/ should be

so always have that littlest benefit of the doubt
for your self-preservation
and never give in to any indecent proposals
for all you know he is only after one thing
and will lose interest after 'the conquest'

a good man will take care of you
will not propose or pressure you
to jump in bed with him
or flatter you just to get some favours done

pray oh pray that whoever you meet is worth your while
and more importantly, be a good person yourself
to deserve another wonderful soul

xoxo

One Woman Show

Once Number 3 flies away from the coop to join university, I will be home with the little ones.

Worst case scenario is I will be left on my own devices with no personal life whatsoever, as they can't be left home alone. (Isn't that dramatic?)

Best case scenario, we enjoy each other's company and have many3 more happy conversations and do chores around the house together. Perhaps, now is the time to pick up the arts and crafts skills that I have abandoned for so long.

No more night outings except those that will bring me home by 10 (because they need to sleep early).

No more on-the-fly late lunches/ dinners because the schoolbus drops them at home at a certain time.

No more sports activities or society activities that require day-time night-time weekend and in-between commitments, since there are too many things to prepare/ get ready before Monday starts again. (Now I have to figure out the schedule for the school holidays.. hmmmm).

Being 'coerced' to take a step back after 3+ years of doing various activities outside the house, I am rather glad to be domesticated again. To be home for longer periods. To do arts & crafts projects with my little ones, to bake, to cook & clean.. and overall to see them grow.

However I suspect I may miss my friends. Perhaps (once the house is a bit more sorted) I could ask them to come over for dinner (instead of me leaving the house). That's a thought to look forward to!

Envy

There is this one junior from school. I should probably say super duper junior, as she is my eldest son's age. One sweet young thing who is still in uni & singing at events and what-have-yous.

The 'uncles'* fawn over her, fall over each other responding to her messages, prompt her about her singing schedule and whatever else.

*they're referred to as uncles because they're old enough to be her father, but since this is an alumni group everyone is addressed as bro/sis.

So what do I do? I roll my eyes. If there is such an emoji I would probably have used it.

Granted all these happened on social media- in a whatsapp group, to be specific. I wouldn't have been able to hide my facial expressions otherwise.

Oh well, this is her time. And I do respect her for being proper and not coy or coquettish with the older guys. I suppose she considers them as her elders (as she should, right?), and keeps the boundary clearly drawn.

Price to Pay

A few of my friends are single, by choice.

Some still remain hopeful that there is someone out there also on the lookout for them too & if it (courtship/ romance/ matrimony) happens, it will happen. Some on the other hand, have reached a point where they're so very comfortable in their singlehood that to let someone into their lives, he had better be worth their relinquishing their freedom.

Another male friend blames this on the emancipation of women, how we are now working and earning and some of us are probably better than men at their job, by at least a mile. How would any man dare come forward and court such women? And due to this independence, we women actually may not need a man.

My take? I still do want a companion. Although at this very moment it is very much 50-50. I could probably do without too. However both S and I does not seem to find the urgency to marry yet. Not good because it may fizzle off & be forgotten in the sands of time.

Being single is rather fun and pleasing. Having my own schedule, doing my own thing, planning my own activities, and pretty much do whatever I like on the drop of a hat (or not, and plan meticulously). Yes, I do get harried because there is only one Me to do 50 things that needed doing.. and there is literally no partner to drop the children off to.. or share the pick up/ drop off/ tuition runs.. or take them out for excursions/ a walk in the park.. and oversee their homework.. and be there for various school events.. yet all these are quite manageable. I have learnt to do them singlehandedly, like many women out there who sucks it in and keep going. Because things needed to be done. Because our little ones look up to us for shelter, love, comfort, strength, faith, grace (and probably 10 other things). Because we can (I suppose).

So the man who really wants to be present in my (our) life need to be all that too, in a way. Or at least someone strong enough to weather my worst storms. How does anyone do this? I feel quite vulnerable even thinking about it. (And I am still figuring out this meaning & concept of love and the expression of it, as we speak!). Oh God, how do I even begin to do this?