I have been Awkward all my Life

This article about the Hong Kong star Tony Leung came across my feed this morning.

He was reported to have said “I get nervous when I meet people for the first time and feel restless when it gets too crowded. There are many things I wish to share with others, but I don’t know how to express myself with words,”

I get you man. TOTALLY. 

Many social media posts have fallen to the wayside (for me) due to this exact reason. The thought process: Is this a useful comment/ entry? Am I likely to offend anyone? Did I write it properly (Am I saying what I meant, or could it be misconstrued due to word choice or punctuation)? When is the best time to post- will someone be alarmed to receive a notification at this particular time?

... and in the end, NOTHING gets posted 😂

My intended post for linkedin

When I graduated with LLB in 1997, I had 3 main choices: continue with Masters in Law, CLP or enter the workforce

Applied for job. One of it is storage
Advice by interviewer pls carry on with your plans

The above was a note on my phone, meant to be turned into an entry for linkedin.

On second thoughts, I didn't write it because I was over-analysing the content and impact and messaging thread and what-have-yous. This reminds me of the 5 second rule for launch: 5-4-3-2-1. The countdown. Do it at 1.

When you think about something too much, you may end up not doing it.

Let me re-write the entry here, and may be it could end up on linkedin one day.

When I graduated with LLB in 1997, I had 3 main choices: continue with Masters in Law (at the University of Sheffield), do the Certificate of Legal Practice or enter the workforce.

My father had passed on in 1991 and as the eldest of 8, I felt the responsibility to work and take care of the rest. I started looking for work and sent out CVs randomly to anyone and everyone. When the calls came for interview, I had forgotten what job I applied for (because I didn't bother to code or track my applications, that was how bad I was).

There was an interview that I particularly remembered. It was a Sales Exec job at a storage company located in Sungai Besi, a subsidiary of a bank. Went in for the interview unprepared and even foolishly admitted that I had forgotten what job I applied for (how's that for a potential hire?). 

The interviewer was kind enough to continue with the interview. He probed further, on why I was interested to work for them. I gave an honest answer: the location was near my house (mum had bought a place in Puchong by then) and I needed to earn to take care of my siblings. He asked another question: what is your personal plan? I said I wanted to give CLP a shot, like what my friends are doing. 

He gave a simple yet profound answer: then go and do the CLP. Your mum will figure this out. Go do your thing and help your siblings after. 

He was right. Smart man. My mum did figure it out, being the smart lady that she is. I did complete my CLP and continued with practice, and was able to somewhat help my siblings (not a lot, but a little). 

Had that Manager hired me, my life path may be quite different. And I probably might have unanswered questions or unfinished business or incomplete dreams.

Now, I will finish my PhD and if there is a chance, give one final shot in corporate work (my unfinished story). Like my track record, this corporate work could work fantastically, or I may fall flat on my face. There is no in between, so I wish myself the best of luck!

Native Rights

Why do very few people pick up native rights issues?

Maybe it's not profitable, or because it may be controversial, or it would not make any/ much difference?

Apart from rare people like Mark Ruffalo who produced a documentary about Lakota people, I haven't read much other celebrities picking up this cause. Either there aren't many, or not many such news have come across my feeds.

In Malaysia we have activists like Tijah Yok Chopil but have not gained traction except in some quarters (possibly because she was aligned to the Opposition perhaps?). There has been one landmark case against State Government's encroachment of native land rights. Forgive me for using a wikipedia link, the paid link via CLJ (Current Law Journal) may be accessed here. After the Sagong Tasi case, there were pockets of isolated cases here and there, at varying degrees of success. 

There are voices that argue supremacy of the Malays above and beyond natives' ("orang asal") rights. 

And there are also people who are not even from Malaysia receiving native status due to their connection, when there are SO many stateless individuals going everywhere to apply for their red or blue IC... but that is another story for another day.

I do hope that many more people will take interest in native rights. After nearly 66 years of "Merdeka" (Independence) and nearly 60 years of Malaysia's formation, the natives are still left behind in many ways, especially in education. 

Granted, they may not be money minded or as greedy as some of us (although sadly some might be, despite their core teachings) but I do think education is the gamechanger. Being in government schools and being educated beyond their jungle school (a wonderful place to learn, I must say!) will give them better opportunities to grow and belong with the rest of us Malaysians.

I tend to prefer the approach in bringing the art or lives of orang asal to the mainstream. For us to understand the richness of their culture, and be more respectful of their existence and lifestyle.

PhD first, Activism later

Environmentalism, Statelessness/ Human Rights, Employment Issues, Right to Education/ Education Inequity, Financial Education... so many issues so little time.

In a short time I would like to address these issues by talking to the people who are involved right smack in the areas. Instead of bringing the cause myself, my platform will be used to create awareness. Mainly for the uninitiated (youths, perhaps?). At least they'll be aware of the pitfalls, and can move forward with more certainty.

However, in hubby's words: Finish your PhD first and after that do la what you want

Plans Plans Plans

What do I plan to do after PhD?

1- Develop online courses (Law via OL) > for APU micro-credentials
2- Major house cleaning (mine and his)
3- Websites (About Teaching) = use wordpress = share tips, sample assessment, how to structure programmes
4- App/Site: uni & career search, how to start in business
5- Makcik & Friends: various topics like Amelia Henderson but shot in various locations (like ppls houses or cafes) and involving only ppl above 50

Recently I have discovered issuu. May consider providing content on this platform & expanding reach. Basically focus on "Law for the Common People" (please think of more inclusive & non-derogatory wording) and "Learning to Teach" (covering teaching tips).

Calm Before the Storm

Hubby's family came down for the Eidul Adha holidays. 

His family consists of vibrant, busy, and forthright company. Not for the faint-hearted. 

Before moving further, I must say upfront that I admire their inclusivity and acceptance. No ordinary family would have accepted his marrying a divorcee with 5 children. So whenever I feel compelled to make strong statements, I remind myself of this key point and look inwards. 

Coming back to the story, me being the introvert and possibly autistic, I tend to prepare beforehand mentally and physically before his family's visits. Which are not often anyways & can be managed reasonably well, especially when there is prior notification.

House cleaning, ensuring pillow covers are clean, preparing enough comforters for sleeping, but this time I forgot to buy some snacks/ food. Which I normally remember but kinda forgot this round. Note for self: please remember next time. 

For Eidul Adha they (we) went camping. My children went to help set up camp, which is good training for the boys. The girls excluding kakak (who didn't want to join) went swimming. I joined the fun (although essentially I'm not a fun person), and helped clean here and there. Due to some pending work, I didn't stay the night/ weekend. At home I cleaned away and washed the clothes before the next wave returned from camping.

To survive a high energy environment like hubby's family, I need to be fully focused. I am fully glad to have gained acceptance, they're a wonderful lot. I strive to be a better member of their family in my own unique way, and I am ever so thankful to have been welcomed 💖