Maybe I spoke too soon

I had told my dinner buddies during the reunion 2 days ago that "it is refreshing to be married to a mature person". Well technically it is still true. Being married to a mature guy is indeed much better than being married to a whiny immature person.

These are the things I have learnt from 2 marriages. I have not had boyfriends, so I do not have anything to contribute from this aspect. These summaries are based on 2 boyfriends who I eventually married:

- find a mate who you can converse with; no point marrying someone just for his looks or body, if he cannot contribute in a conversation, or give an opinion on things (big and small)

- find a mate who is a good friend, and hope that even if you end that marriage the friendship will subsist; a friend knows you inside out, your inner beauty and demons too (in some cases); if he marries you in spite of all that, he has embraced "you" in totality, not just the nice sparkly bits

- to me, a trustworthy person is my top expectation; it equates to being loyal and loving you and being there for you as you will for him; hence when infidelity happens I will be out of that door faster than 2 tail shakes; if it happens once it will happen again and again... and again; men (and women) don't change, especially after they are older than 40 (well some do, but it rarely happens, if ever)

- a kind person is a keeper, someone who treats you well; for me I do not expect a hopeless romantic with gifts and flowers every valentine's or anniversary, a kind person is enough: i.e. someone who doesn't abuse you physically or emotionally, someone who keeps your secrets, someone who you can share your joys and tears without judgement

That's about it really for me. I used to have some physical traits' expectations e.g. a tall person, or someone with beautiful eyes but I have let them go because they do not really mean much. It is the PERSON who matters.

Every individual goes into marriage with love, with hope, with some minimum expectations. Myself included. A good marriage builds you up and makes you both better individuals. If your mate no longer values you and eventually chuck you aside like an old shoe*, it is time to move on my girl!

*even if he doesn't plan to (chuck you aside), even if he says that I can love you both/ love you all, or I can be fair... I feel better leaving, because I DO NOT LIKE CROWDED PLACES!!!!!!!