Compromise

Relationships, marriages especially, are not easy in the best of circumstances.

One of my friends eat spicy food, but tones it down a great deal when she cooks at home... because her husband and children do not eat spicy food.

I love tempeh, but never cook it at home because hubby doesn't eat it.

Some others may love durian, but have eaten less of it/ stopped eating at home because their partners/ spouse cannot stand its smell.

That's just food we're talking about.

We make many compromises.

We would rather stay home in Kelantan (or Johor or Penang, wherever home is), but we married someone from Kedah who needs to take care of his parents and children.

We prefer wearing certain types of clothes but our significant other considers them too sexy or unsuitable, we stopped wearing them.. or gave them away.

We would prefer to work, but was asked to stay at home to take care of the children.

Love made us do the things that we did.

We care so much, gave up the life we wanted to be with someone.

When that someone takes us for granted, it is crushing.

I have made many mistakes.

I probably should have taken care of him better,

Or cook more, or be more attentive, or be there for him more days than usual, 

Instead of being with the children.

He would have preferred someone sweet like Che Na & Azhani.

Someone "manja" like Aiza.

I am not those people.

To this day I wonder why he married me.

Maybe I was convenient and available,

and I gave him as much space as he needed and wanted.

Today I will stop blaming myself.

It is what it is.

I WILL BE OKAY.

He has his reasons, I won't inquire anymore.

I am not the one he wanted, that is the explanation I can fathom.

I will be on my way & seek my bliss.