We are no longer the same people

How I have changed ever since the love pentagon (not even a love triangle) was found out:

1- I have contacted him less, when I do contact him it ain't pretty most times.

2- I have decided to focus more on me and my mental well-being

3- No longer do I crave his company, and no longer do I believe his words.

From this ordeal, I have become more objective: that I am born alone, meant to live this life without a husband (or a semblance thereof), and I will die alone. To my children, wherever I die, please bury me where I drop. Well not exactly the location I fell, but at the cemetery nearest to it. Do not embalm my body and repatriate it back to Malaysia, because my organs need to be harvested for donation immediately after death. Let the nurses and doctors do their work before claiming my body for burial.

Do not mourn my parting with sadness, for I am a mere human, infallible and a humble servant to Allah swt. I have nothing except for the gracious gifts Allah has bestowed upon me. Dear Allah, please do not let me get too attached to any material wealth, or people, because these are but borrowed wealth/ persons/ moments by your mercy. 

He said he has always loved me, and still do. Unfortunately those words, even if they ring true, no longer convinces me. I have become dead inside, and I just wished I could move on. He doesn't have to take any effort anymore to fix our relationship. It never existed and have always been shamefully broken. I do not care to elaborate, because neither Aiza or hubby took their banter/ flirting/ emotional affair seriously and said I was overreacting; so did Che Na who said "what we did was merely a joke, not meant to be serious" (and she was not planning to leave her husband for mine anyways).

ALL that damage and it was not serious???? Aiza claimed that she had forgotten the messages. I don't think so; she was just saying those things as a cover, because her husband may be monitoring her network and communication; she sounded partly convincing... that it had happened a long time ago and the events do not matter.

My foot! You women destroyed my life, for nothing???? I hope one day they will see their lives crush and crash right before their eyes, and they will begin to see how mine was dashed into smithereens.