Friday, March 21, 2025

What is it with marriage anyways?

I see friends being, and staying married. At the age of 51, many of my peers have been together for 25 years or more with their significant other. I say, good for them!

Is marriage for everybody? I'm convinced now that it's not. It is not for me. After 2 divorces my hypothesis is confirmed. No more shenanigans. I should just stop. If this was a career, the career counselor would probably say: please pursue something else.

There are friends who stay together to meet society's expectations: That children needs both parents to complete the family unit. Why get divorced if there is really nothing wrong? 

My questions would be: Why stay married when you are both clearly miserable? Do they really enjoy being in pain, or do they see the sacrifice as worthy? Maybe. 

For one friend, being married means getting access to her husband's wealth (although she has money of her own), and the society thing: no one in her family has gotten divorced. Another felt lucky to be married to a prestigious man, and she is not letting go come hell or high water, no matter how badly he treated her. One other friend found out about her husband's infidelity but waited it out until he got bored of the other woman, and eventually returned to the family. She has flashbacks of that painful point, but now has found happiness in her life with the children and grandchildren.

What I want to feature in this blog are happily married people. They are rare but they do exist. Friends whose spouse complement them effortlessly. Pairs who stick with it for the right reasons. They stay as a unit. They face the world TOGETHER. To me, that is a successful marriage. I'm 100% sure that they have dark days or down moments, they face challenges or enticements or frustrations but they know that these are mere moments. These moments will pass and the sun will shine again, gloriously. 

In my circle I would say this connection is found in a handful of people. My own parents, a couple of their friends, a couple of my friends too. They don't number in the hundreds or thousands I'm afraid. Probably there are a few in a 100,000 or a million. HOWEVER, this is just my observation and I am no John Gottman. My resolution: I will stop looking and focus my energy into myself, my work, and the children. Once work is done, and children grown, I will come back to me & live my life. That's it really. I will not encroach into other people's happiness so as to find mine. I will design the life that I want, without a husband or romantic male partner or unrequited love. Eat your hearts out, Che Na & Aiza!


Catharsis

You don't have to be sad all the time,
You don't have to wallow in self-pity,
Or blame yourself for everything.

You don't have to have it all,
You don't have to hold on,
Make way, bigger and better things are coming.

You don't need to be the most perfect woman,
You don't have to be the best looking,
But you must strive to be a genuine human.

You don't have to be scared all the time,
You don't have to live in despair,
Love and hope comes in many different forms.

You don't have to stop moving,
You need not halt the world from spinning,
Take time, and time will be a great healer.

You don't have to be hard on yourself,
You need not express regret in 100 different ways,
Just keep moving, you will get there in due course.

Saturday, March 15, 2025

Things Happen for a Reason

Whatever that happened, happened.
No rhyme or reason?
Maybe there was a reason, albeit to leave me a lesson to take away.

What they did or who they were to each other, remain unexplained.
No speculations needed. No further questions either.
The lesson: affairs of any sort (emotional or physical) is a pure waste time.

Some questions still remain.
Questions that I no longer need the answers ta,Because I do not know, or they would not possibly share the honest truth with me.

What now?
Take the lesson, and keep moving.
I might be going real slow now, however the point will come when I will run!

I will no longer be confused.
What happened, happened for a reason.
And I know fully in my heart and soul, that things will get better from here on.

Am I a scary person?
You bet I am!
If I am upset enough, so you had better tell me everything!

Or not.
It doesn't matter either way.
Because what happened, happened

There's nothing I could have done to change anything.
I do not have the answers, nor could I explain their actions. 
What's done is done, and I will keep on walking.