Friday, July 18, 2025

She wants to see the view

Chibi my son's cat likes to sit at the second floor balcony, perhaps to see the view.

From the balcony we used to be able to see to the highway, before the condos were built. Now we see concrete and the park located right in front of our house.

Chibi would sit there for hours, looking at people and cars and birds. Sometimes if a lone lizard passes by, it will be Chibi's snack or plaything. Depending om her mood.

Chibi, as her name suggests, is petite. She is almost ten years old, but has a baby face. She had Mickey her son a couple of years ago. Mickey is a long-haired cat, unlike Chibi who is a common house cat, so I can presume that she had good taste in men/ male cats. We can only presume, because after she gave birth to Mickey we neutered her. 

Mickey disappeared a few years ago, we hope that a good family had taken him in, because he is the most patient cat ever. He is called Mickey because of his black ears and white face, just like a mouse, and my eldest son named him Mickey after the most famous mouse on earth (apart from Jerry, or Geronimo Stilton, or Pinky).

We also recite the Al-Fatihah for Robin and Nas. Robin was the wise big brother who looked after everyone's safety. He doesn't get involved in others' business, but will be there when needed. Nas on the other hand is the second brother who rebels and roams daily- we would see him early in the day then late at night when he returns home to roost. Nas disappeared, it is likely that he got into a fight with the stray dogs and didn't make it OR a happier version would be him leaving to give Robin the territory (since they were both male cats). Robin normally do not get into fights, but he was injured and fell sick at some point. Being the wise 'abang', he must have left to meet his Maker somewhere discreet, to save us from heartache and pain. 

Another cat worthy of mention was 'Tenggek' (meaning 'Perched'), a black and white cat who used to perch on our windowsill every afternoon, watching us go about our business. 'Snow' too, who was so beautiful, a stray siamese cat.

And to all the cats we have loved before, we were glad to have you with us, even for a short time.

No Longer

My dreams are no longer about falling into the endless abyss.

I used to dream that a lot, especially during high school, and occasionally when doing my degree.

When I read about dream meanings, most sites say that such dreams meant that I have an innate fear of failing (translated into 'falling endlessly' in those dreams). 

My recent dreams are more mixed. Some could be messages from above, to be careful perhaps. Some are about getting lost and eventually finding my way to places I plan to be at, or at unexpected locations. That must mean something, based on the journey I am walking currently.

No matter what my night time dreams are, the important thing is to keep going. The journey may be long, or short, or unexpected, but enjoy every moment for they are precious. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2025

The Other Half

Multiple research has been conducted, to show the relationship between spousal support and personal success. A supportive life partner (context: husband+wife relationship) does contribute to success such as confidence, higher earnings, career stability and growth. 

In an ideal world, all women and men deserve that support. In the real world however, this remains a dream for most people. I fully celebrate those who did it right the first time and persevered, they may likely have a beautiful lifetime together. Well, they may have their ups and downs; I cannot pretend to say everything would be smooth sailing but they worked together as a unit to overcome the challenges. Hence the operative word is 'support'. Perhaps 'loyalty' is the other word, could be 'love' too.

Sometimes I wonder what type of man would be suitable for me. I don't know how to define 'me', never mind the man who would be my suitor. Besides, there is no time left to do any more selection. Let me be happy where I am now. And that, my friends, is the truth of the matter!

My Love is Quiet

My Love is not loud
but that doesn't mean that it need not be acknowledged

I do not need validation
but I needed support and protection

To others I may have achieved things
but inside... my self-confidence bubbled, then fizzled

My Love required no pomp or splendour
but consistency, and action, and the occasional pride
expressed by the person who claim to love me

I expected loyalty
but he said I expected too much
'men are like that', he had said
they like beautiful things
and sometimes they stray
some might 'test the market'
some might do it 'just because'

My Love was serious
I was not kidding when I said I will walk away
When you make your choice, 
I am entitled to respond and make mine

My Love was served on a platter
apparently it was not good enough
or maybe the platter was not to your liking
or did not compare with past loves'

My Love was complicated
THIS, it was
maybe it was too deep
too intense
too much
too complex to handle

I no longer seek love from a man
It's just too much expectation
Too much work
Too much at stake

What is valuable now
is the love of my Maker
and love for self
and love for family
and my students

Now that's plenty of LOVE to throw around 💕