Home is Where the Heart is

I'll be enduring the next 8 hours with a smile on my face, regardless. By Saturday I'll be home with my mom & siblings and I'm so looking forward to it!

Bungling Hero

Ever since Astro introduced Channel 64 (Ceria) my children have been hooked on a particular cartoon series called "Dragon Booster". It tells of Arthur who's the 'chosen one' (as always) & can activate some special dragon powers (etc.). I watch the series sometimes, for the animation is pretty interesting & the storyline engaging (more or less, by children's standards).

What strikes me most about the series is the main character Arthur. If I ever I were a hero, I suspect that I'll be just like Arthur- clumsy and clueless, with good intentions but they don't quite work out as intended.

Farewell to Baba

Our father passed away when I was 16. At 16, I had 7 other younger siblings- the youngest child was only 8 months at the time of Baba's demise.

Nothing will ever prepare you for the death of a loved one. Baba passed away at a fairly young age of 46- you'd think that he has his whole life before him but he had to go. I still miss him to this day. We were never particularly very close but I do love him with all my heart (and more). He is the kindest person you'll ever meet, and probably the best father in the world. In his own quiet way he loved us and cared for us all. Baba and Umi makes a formidable team- Umi's sternness keeps us in check while Baba was the buffer who calms us down.

Baba fought a losing battle with cancer- he had so much life in him, and never once gave up. To this day I wonder how life will be like with him around. I'm sure that he'll be happy entertaining his grandchildren. I suspect that he'll probably have a long talk with hubby before we can get married... and he'll probably be the one who marries us off.

To those people who think they do not matter, think again. One life leaves the world and a void exists where he/she once was.

I never got the chance to have an adult conversation with him- to ask him what his dreams were, what his childhood was like, who influences him the most in life (etc.). At 16 (and the ages before that) I was too preoccupied with my life & teenage angst to care much about my parents.

I was away in a boarding school throughout Baba's illness. I knew he had to undergo surgery & chemotheraphy (and the works) but I never could've guessed how the treatments changed him. I was asked to return about a week before his death. I broke down upon seeing him- he had become frail and gaunt as a result of his illness. He stroked my head while I continued crying- no words could come out. Before I left for school I asked for his forgiveness for my past deeds. I wish I had hugged him and told him how much I love him.

I returned home after he was buried- the teacher who broke the news to me struggled with it. I was surprised how calm I was to take the news. There were a lot of people in the house when I arrived. My younger siblings were just playing, I guess, unaware of what has happened. But calmness was the order of the day. None of the family members were bawling their eyes out. Everyone was silent in their grief- we were like crutches to each other, keeping ourselves from falling apart. Never once did I cry during the period when I was home.

The tears came in torrents one week later. I thought I might write Baba a farewell letter, giving myself a proper closure. I must've read this in the Readers' Digest or something, for me to have done it. Well anyway, it triggered the release of a great deal of raw emotions. My roommate had to comfort me in fear that I would be too shaken up. Long story short, that was that.

I suppose different people deals with grief differently. In my own way I had let Baba go. I hope he is happy wherever he is now. Baba, we miss you!

Motivated by Fear

My sons' headmistress (HM) has recently implemented a new rule- carry a book to assembly or get the cane. So I have asked my sons to bring their Kuntums and read those instead. Have you seen the school textbooks lately? Not fun to read- the images and words are ever so crowded, especially for the BM textbook for Year 1 and 2. I prefer reading schoolbooks of my era- they were designed with learning in mind, I thought. But then, I digress.

While I appreciate the HM"s enthusiasm, I am a tad concerned when reading (and maybe learning) is associated with fear. I remember a dear friend of my dad's, the late Pak Kasim, he had the most beautiful handwriting that I've ever seen. He shared that he had his knuckles rapped by his schoolteachers every time he didn't write well. On one hand, a beautiful handwriting was the result of repeated punishment but on the flipside, Pak Kasim didn't like writing & (I assume) he associated writing with pain.

Back in my sons' school, I see the lot of children carrying a schoolbook each. Some do read it while some were just lugging around extra baggage. I can't help but to hope and remain positive that my children won't be too affected by this rule. I would like them to enjoy reading (& exploration of knowledge) as a habit, not because they'll get caned otherwise.

Smart Partnership

My boys have this standing instruction with their little sister. The 2 boys have activities on Saturdays & Sundays ending at 12 noon. Once they return, they're allowed to play on their PS2 for an hour each. It so happens that at noon every weekend "Sonic X" is shown on TV. Their little sister is to watch it and give them the updates as they meet up for their playtime at 2 p.m.

Understand that this is happening in the same house. They're not exactly in 2 different locations or anything. (Pardon me... we lecturers tend to repeat the same things in a different way, it's a bad habit). It's rather amusing to watch my 2nd son gave out the instructions, the little sister agreeing, while the eldest sets up the PS2. How efficient is that?

They've even worked out the turns for playing- between 3 people. Lil sis will play at 11 then when the brothers return the rotation begins. Of course all of this won't work out without the strict enforcement by hubby. Any disagreements will be vetoed by hubby. And that leaves me in peace to finish my course work, if ever I get round to it...

Begone, ye Minions!

It's funny how 'self-importance' is endowed upon a person with the granting of a mere title. This person whom I usually liaise with was recently given a new 'grand' title, and now she liaises with me through the administrator. Haha..! It's so darn amusing. How can you not like blogging about work? So much is happening here.. it's the bedrock of conflict & drama, to no end.

Anger Management

I received an e-mail yesterday... one of those spam-types you usually get at the office. It talked about rage & how to handle it. Essentially rage is caused when we expect certain things & become enraged when others don't do as we expect. To overcome rage, says the e-mail, we must be humble (i.e. avoid feeling self-important); prioritise what's important (i.e. unruly drivers rank very low compared to self-sustenance) and don't fight reality (i.e. because reality wins all the time).

While I agree that rage isn't good and may cause us to do something that we'll regret later, good old anger may just push you to do the right thing. Adopt a cause because how humans are treating the world is causing destruction; because consumers are cheated when they don't know any better; because drunk drivers have to take responsibility for their actions. Angry? Then do something about it.

I usually welcome some anger- what's a blog without it?

Eat This!

I came across this article while surfing on the Sin Chew Jit Poh website:

"Who's The One Being Marginalised? updated:2006-09-02 09:00:00 MYT

Recently, some people have been making inflammatory remarks in political circles. They claim to be defending the rights of an ethnic group, but in reality they are more keen on protecting their own interests.

Early in August, someone tossed a burning firebrand on the Penang Chief Minister post rotation issue. Since then, it's been a "hot" topic for a whole month. The flames showed no sign of dying down. In fact, they grew even fiercer, burning away the concealing cover of decoys and diversions to reveal the whys and wherefores behind all the fuss.

UMNO Tanjung Division Chief Ahmad Ibni Hajar's words, reprinted in a newspaper, have enlightened us regarding the agenda behind the blazing controversy.Ahmad believes that Malays in Penang are lagging behind because development projects in the state were allotted to RM2 companies, which caused them to fail. He also echoed the PM's sentiments that the real reason Malays in Penang had been marginalised was because most of the top positions in the state government were held by people who were "unfit for the job.

"In order to "rescue" the Malays in Penang, there are two steps that the government wants to take:The first is to put Ahmad in charge of a wholly bumiputera-owned consortium, which will in turn be responsible for planning and overseeing development projects in Penang and Butterworth. In other words, this consortium will be able to take a cut from any future mega projects in Penang. That is, if it doesn't just take all the profits from the project outright.

We know that Penang received several lavish gifts under the 9MP, such as the second Penang bridge (worth RM3 billion), the Penang monorail (worth RM1.1 billion) and the Penang Outer Ring Road (worth another RM1.1 billion).These mega projects are like fat juicy slabs of meat, with the private construction industry drooling over them. Do you think a certain privileged group would pass up the chance to get first dibs on such choice offerings?

Ahmad's blunt words had already made things quite clear. He "hoped that the Penang monorail project would be reserved for the only Penang company that had bid or the project, in order to properly look after the interests of the Malays in that state."This consortium claims to be the saviour of the Malays in Penang, but it seems more like it's just there to divide the spoils and grab a share in the wealth.

We can already foresee that these mega projects will help the consortium get rich very quickly, while the Malays in the kampungs won't really benefit from them at all. For the second step of the "rescue" operation, the government wants to appoint Malay elites and professionals from various fields to top positions in the Penang state government as replacements for those "unworthy people" currently holding onto those same positions.

It should be quite easy for the government to gather these elites and professionals. However, the PM is the PM of the whole of Malaysia. Before adopting such a strategy, shouldn't he consider the big picture? If he assigns a large consortium and the elite of the country to run the Penang state government, what kind of message will he be sending about that state's position and authority? Penang is only one of the states in Malaysia. All the policies implemented by a state government are linked to the framework that has been set by the central government. If they feel that the Malays in Pennag have been marginalised, then it's high time the Malays themselves do some soul-searching.

In a dog-eat-dog society, minorities are subordinate groups that are oppressed by those in power. They have little clout and their concerns are usually ignored. This is what it means to be marginalised. For instance, the Chinese community, which has a slowly decreasing population and is often afraid of standing up for its own rights, can be said to be in danger of being marginalised. Malays are the majority in this country. They have the NEP to support them and often get their way when it comes to religion, politics, education and other areas. In any situation, they have the advantage over the other ethnic groups, yet despite all the privileges they enjoy, they still think they are being "marginalised." Yes, it really is high time that they partook in some critical self-examination.

In Penang, those who want to live comfortably in their own houses and run their business can do so simply by relying on their own ability and determination. They don't need to be elites or professionals, nor do they need to be graduates from Oxford or some other famous university. Irrespective of ethnicity, any Penangites who have achieved anything have done so through their own hard work and determination in the face of various obstacles. This just goes to prove that no one who is willing to work hard will ever be left on the sidelines.

(By Tan Poh Kheng/Sin Chew Daily)

(From Editors Desk) Sinchew-i 2006/09/02"

You said it Ms Tan! I'm all Malay, if you want to get technical.. yet I find the virtue in this article. It's high time that we wake up, accept the facts & take responsibility for our future. Whining about being marginalised won't really cut it.

Heartborken Turtle

We might have to release our pet turtle to 'the wild'. He seems to be losing the zest for life, cooped up alone in his aquarium. I'll be taking him to the Bukit Jalil park together with my children later today for a formal send-off (the turtle, not my children). I have thought of a good spot that he might enjoy. He'll have lots of friends there, and hopefully he'll come out of his depression.

Goodbye turtle! (We haven't named him since March..)

Long live the drama queen!