A Reunion of Sorts

Saturday night was our high-school reunion. It wasn't as what I had expected. It's interesting because we get to meet old friends. Anyhow I was thankful that hubby was with me... in a way he was my crutch in an otherwise un-meaningful night. I didn't know the singer who performed (sorry Farah Diya, or whoever you may be...) & the theme of the event simply eludes me.

What do I remember about high school? Being an outcast, mostly. Some "mean girls" situation occured too, I mean which high school doesn't have that? I do have some very good friends, one of whom was there, but she was busy running around as she was roped in to be one of the organising team members. The others did not turn up for various reasons. In future I probably won't come to a reunion until and unless at least 3 of my 'kaki' are there.

What would be meaningful? A gathering with a small group of friends, close ones, those who do not gossip or are likely to spread news about you in the worst light. I refrained from speaking to the 'gossip girls' as I'd like to keep my private matters private & I have been burned before by their remarks. Given that the remarks were made more than 10 years ago, I still can remember the feeling, and it's not a good feeling.

The saving grace were my form 5 classmates who I caught up with. They're doing very well. I never knew they hooked up after high school and got married to each other, and now they're expecting their 4th child. I'll be selective and take this particular memory as one I would cherish.

Finding my voice

How do I start? Writing, I mean. For one, I'd tell myself to stop having excuses. Start with short stories, those should be manageable enough. What do I write about? Based on my past diaries, I can be quite a psychotic person and I'd rather not have my debut story be about a psychotic character. Do I write like a drama queen, something along the lines of the shopaholic Kinsella? Do what I enjoy reading reflect my tendency as a writer? Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself- I'm not yet a writer but I would very much like to be... wait, I should speak 'into existence', as if I'm already a writer- that's part of having a goal, see?

The first excuse needs to be moved OUT OF THE WAY. I'll tell myself to FINISH MY THESIS NOW! Next is to re-look at the unfinished manuscipts and continue them. Find a quiet spot (not exactly easy in a household of 3, soon to be 4, children...) or a quiet time (e.g. in the wee hours of the morning) to write something, anything... Poetry is one option, but I have to admit that hubby is much better at it than I so shall we leave that (i.e. poetry) to another day?

I don't like writing about work, but the personalities of the people I have worked with are very diverse and interesting; I have collected plenty of materials (can I use the word 'fodder' somewhere in here?) for my work as a result. I can work on the basic mannerisms and either speculate or research into these types of behaviours to create my loveable characters. Now, that's another question- do I make my characters loveable (cuddly?) or should my readers despise him/ her? Or is he someone who one should accept and not judge? He/She is what he/she is, no apologies or qualms about it... but the thing is, these characters (or personalities) exist once one reaches a certain age of maturity. Am I assuming again? Shouldn't I explore it? Should I be idealistic (or even political?); should I be very involved in my characters' emotions or should I take the fly-on-the-wall approach?

I wonder if a book full of questions would be interesting- why would people buy it? I have supervised too many business projects and I kept asking the same question- is it useful? will the businesses buy it? why?

One other thing- which language should I write in? My mother tongue or English? I'd have to improve on my grammar (and polish my vocabulary) if I choose the latter, and I would have to improve a lot more than grammar and vocabulary if I choose the former. Usage of 'bahasa pasar' on a daily basis may have been unhelpful in boosting my own first language skills.

Summary: FINISH YOUR THESIS! and start writing short materials for local publication- I should be able to manage 1000-2000 words a day (or at a time), as I always have lots to say (and I have the habit of digressing too...). In short, just DO IT!

Hunting for Mouse

Despite our meticulous housekeeping, a mouse has decided to make the back of my wardrobe its abode. Drilling usually took place between 3-4 a.m. and I tend to be awokened by the strange sound, which I initially thought was the electric fan malfunctioning. No longer- we (Mimi, rather- I was on the chair the whole time, feet off the ground...) decided to put an end to its little life.

In human terms I would consider this mouse persistent. We have chased him out at least 3 times and he kept coming back. And Mimi had this conversation with him to apologise just before it breathed its last breath- something along the line that she wouldn't have killed it if it had not come back and we had given it so many chances to leave our house etc2... hopefully that'll settle the karma bit and it wouldn't come back to haunt us :p

Keeping at it

There's a little cendol shop in one nook of Batu Pahat that sells the most delightful of cendols. The owner has been selling cendol all his life (if not all of mine!). We bought his cendol when I was a young girl of 14 and my family still buys cendol from him now.

What I see from his determination is that if you keep on doing something you like, something good will materialise. This cendol shop used to be just a pushcart by the drain and now he has half a shop... not bad for someone who's selling just cendol and nothing else. What's great is that his cendol is still selling at RM1 (at least that was the price in March 2008- it may have increased with the petrol price hike).

I am now again at a crossroad- what do I do next? With my life, I mean. I like where I am at the present time and I'm not bored yet, so that's good. I guess now I'm doing something which I enjoy doing, not like before. What's next? Let me just think this one through, before the year passes me by.

Signs around me (that I choose to ignore)

Pak Man (or Pak Mat, one or the other..) has gotten an approval to marry his 4th wife, as heard via the hot fm airwaves today. I can choose to freak out at this piece of news, like what I normally do (and let hubby bear the brunt of my projections of insecurity) or I can choose to remain calm. I chose the latter this time.

So, what has a lorry driver (who's about to marry the 4th women he loves) got to do with me? Nothing at all and it should remain that way. The very idea of marrying more than one person (and giving your love to more than one woman) is foreign to me. Even if the religion allows it, should a person go ahead and claim the quota as of right?

My personal view is that I can't continue to love a husband who is in love with somebody else. I might change this view at a later date, but I also might not. Incidentally, yesterday we had a class discussion on the topic of "Love and Marriage" and one of the female students remarked that it's just crazy to have many women to one man. In certain societies (I've been told), it's acceptable for a woman to have more than one husband!

Maybe a time will come when women outnumber men five or six-fold and then, marrying more than one woman will be justified. In the meantime, we should make it a law for men to declare their marital status up-front. This is to avoid the quota-pursuers from making a poor unsuspecting woman fall in love with him and thereafter asking her to make a choice to be the 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) wife.