Saturday, January 31, 2009

Finding Myself

There are two million things that I want to tell hubby right at this moment but we are not pausing long enough for the words to get out. I really hope to God that this 'phase' is purely a postnatal emotion thing (I hate to use the word 'depression'- sounds too dramatic, even for me).

Has my role been reduced to 'bearer of children' and/or 'carer of offsprings' and/or 'reliable, supportive wife'? Could I be more than that? Are we equal? Are we supposed to be equal in the first place? Am I significant to him as a person?

I wish I could just search within myself and find the answers. I'm sure a justification (or at least an explanation) exists somewhere- I've just got to find it.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Fleeting Moment that is Life

As a rule of thumb, it'll usually take me about a week to totally appreciate (for want of a better word) the news of anyone's death. Be it with Baba, Embah, Tok Che' and the rest. I learnt of Sha's passing from one of her former colleagues in MDEC. The e-mail was sent out on 2 December 2008 to my office e-mail which I could not access (long story) & I only got to know about it when I returned to work last week from my maternity leave.

Shajaratuldur Suhaimi, she is one of those persons whom you'll remember for all the right reasons, and I don't usually remember acquaintances from work that well. I didn't get any chance to speak to her since she left MDEC. I did think about speaking to her on the phone sometime late last year but never got around to calling her- my fault entirely.

This entry therefore, in Sha's memory, should not be self-centred (as they always were).

Just out of a whim I googled her name today. She's on FB, for which I kicked myself- for not noticing & adding her. Sha was a very cheerful person & always interested in what others have to say. I had a chance to be in her team in one of MDEC's training courses and she is perhaps the most selfless person I have ever met. Sha had also assisted our college in one of the university-industry collaboration events and she is super-efficient- always the problem solver & 'enabler', everyone was happy to work with her. Never a cross word, always with a smile on her face.

From the google results, I had a peek of her life- one that is lived to the fullest. I am crying as I write this entry (as is typical with a drama queen) and I cried as I read the many tributes which her friends have written for her. Sha is indeed someone who was loved by the people she has touched & she will always be remembered fondly. Al-fatihah, may Allah bless her soul. Amin.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Supportive Moms

Earlier today I accompanied my 2 boys to an art (drawing & colouring) competition. As expected, there are a lot of other parents there. Watching the other parents (moms, primarily) I learnt about the essential toolkits that all serious participants need. First, a small table so that our children won't have to bend over while drawing. Second, a good range of drawing materials, namely crayons and watercolours with all the thingamajigs that one needs when watercolouring (i.e. used newspaper as lining, brush, palette, water container and wipecloth). I saw one girl place a large paper bag in front of her to avoid others from seeing (or copying?) her artwork- I suppose paper bags are optional.

Next, days (or maybe even weeks) before the competition starts, participants must practice, practice, practice! Since there is very limited time to draw and colour in the competition proper, participants can't afford to think up what to draw there and then. There is also a need to ensure that the art is in sync with the theme/title. A good seating position will ensure that your child(ren) is(are) comfortable & won't get trampled on by anyone who's supervising the competition.

How did my children do? They were disheartened as they didn't win any prizes but I advised then that such is a rule with a competition- there are others who were better and they should keep improving if they want to win the next competition.

As for me, the drama queen found a distraction in her gene coding, which another company was promoting during the event. Apparently with a thumbrint and palm scan, a software is able to determine your strengths and weaknesses as well as learning styles. With my thumbprint scan, it was found that I am an independent person who doesn't like to be told what to do. Hubby could have told me that, without the thumbprint scan :p

The highlight of the day was the sand art, which the kiddies thoroughly enjoyed doing. They each picked the template they liked and moved about picking the colours. Which goes to show that with children, what you set out to do in the beginning might not be the thing that fascinates them the most.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Separation Anxiety

Tomorrow I'll be starting work again. I have psyched myself up a little and planned my feeding schedule to coincide with lunch & the time I got off work. Have decided to wear my blue embroidered blouse & black pants for returning to work- slimming choice of colours. Found that I can't stay away from baby for very long without feeling anxious- must overcome it.

Incidentally when I logged in FB just now I found that hubby has put up his iPhone for sale. It was wishful thinking on my part that the phone will eventually be mine- it won't.

We took the children out for 'Bedtime Stories' & had lunch before the show. The children enjoyed the movie while I put my phone on silent, anticipating a call from Mimi in case baby needs me. Had a good laugh over Adam Sandler's antics.

I'd better get some rest now- tomorrow will be a busy day. Must remember to bring the boys for their trial art class at 7.00 pm