Saturday, December 29, 2012

Focus on Things within My Control

One of the classic ways to avoid stress is to focus on things within my (our) control. At this point in time I am seething and boiling due to this inefficient contractor which we hired. The work started sometime around 16 Nov 2012 and until today, the work remain unfinished. I can''t exert pressure & seem not to have control over the situation. Hubby refused to intervene, as he's travelling a lot these days & generally would like me to clean up my own mess.

What work, do you say? Minor repairs, really. In no particular order, they comprise 11 items:
1- external piping (re-route) = after checking, this was not required as our piping system is fine
2- fix the gate hinge = DONE
3- remove ceiling for downstairs bathroom (water damage)- NOTE: he's not even required to replace the ceiling!! = DONE after much pain & suffering on my side (numerous reminders & calls)
4- patch up 2 bathrooms upstairs (using a special type of bathroom cement, he says) = ONE bathroom done, another one DELAYED till next year (4 or 5 Jan 2013, even this is uncertain!!)
5- install 3 fans = DONE
6- clean the main tank = delayed to 4 or 5 Jan 2013 (if I'm lucky)
7- replace the kitchen lighting = DONE
8- seal some roof tiles (2-3 locations), minor seepage during heavy rainfall = DECIDED TO DROP THIS, as there is no way in heaven (or the other place) that he could manage
9- fix sink outlet in 2 upstairs bathroom = DONE
10- fix sliding door downstairs = DROP (same reason as 8, let the sliding door be stuck for eternity!!)
11- replace part of roof beam (rain-soaked) = DROP, as no additional damage is caused (except for aesthetic look of the house).

So five items out of 10 are done, within the time span of 1.5 months. WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Moral of the story- do not pay a single cent until the work is done. He had asked for progressive payment, I feel so cheated & foolish. WHAT IN THE WORLD POSSESSED ME TO DO SUCH A FOOLISH THING?!!? WHY AM I SO BLINKING FORGIVING?!!?

Some possible reasons:
- he was recommended by a reliable contact/ friend who is the salt of the earth (now I am having second thoughts on the status of the recommender!)
- he had been reasonably diligent in his work for the first two weeks, not even going on lunch break & I totally did not see this coming!!
- based on his communication with us, he seemed trustworthy & a person of his words (clearly he is NOT!!)

He had offered to do the kitchen extension for us next year & quoted a price. FORGET IT MAN!! I DON'T WANT TO GROW OLD WAITING FOR YOU TO FINISH THE WORK!!!!!!!

However I would probably end up saying something like "maybe some other time, when situation permits". This is one person who I'll remove forever from my contact list.

So dear house, I TRIED. I waited and saved money all these years too. Let's channel the energy to prepare for my training- THIS is at least within my control.

Orientation | Dry Run

On Thursday my 2 little ones went for a pre-school orientation, to familiarise them with the environment & get to know the teachers. Naddy was fine but Aliya was a tad distraught- she had remnants of a sob when we picked her up.

In more ways than one the orientation was useful for me, as it may have been for the children. It was a dry run for the actual day, which will likely be more chaotic. This is probably a good time to APPLY all the positive thinking/ imaging/ NLP lessons that I have learnt!

Let's find some happy positive thoughts & focus on doing well. I will have help & will not be at it alone. This will be a much better experience than the one we had while Afiq & Izzat were growing up. I am more mature (and more rational + patient, hopefully) and will be able to sort out the 'issues', whatever they may be.

Choices

While writing some fancy schmancy legal words for my topics summary, I realized that my late paternal grandma wouldn’t have heard of them, never mind being able to explain what they are. Am I better than her? I think not. Where I am now is the result of her choices in life: of leaving (the Javanese village of Ponorogo) instead of staying, of exploring the Malayan jungles instead of being safe, of surviving the Japanese occupation, among others.

Baba made some choices of his own too: of breaking out (to study, despite severe hardships) and not be shackled, of marrying Umi, of staying instead of leaving the marriage, of making the best kind of living possible for all of us.

All these were courageous choices. On the existential level it is rather mind-blowing. My being here at this very moment, knowing what I know and doing what I do is the result of the choices of the past generations.

Relatively speaking, I had it easy. I can’t even begin to imagine having to make my way through the jungles to stake a claim to a piece of land to farm on. This is serious gung-ho stuff, nothing that I’ve ever seen before & may never (or want to) experience today.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

We Are Family

Lucky am I to be born in an 'abnormal' family.

Our dinner table conversations are about gadgets, business ventures (not all of us are in business but some would like to be), books, politics, personal growth (what's the next big thing?), sometimes we'll share mind puzzles ("teka teki") which my technology-indulged children absolutely love.

We have very little decorative items in the house, most of the time we'll have reading stuff scattered on the floor. Mum does not throw many books away (some of her collection includes my uncle's high school textbooks from the 70s and my primary school textbooks since 1981) and her children had studied different discplines in university, so you can imagine our book collection.

Mum raised the 8 of us by herself after Dad passed away in 1991, intent to put everyone through university. I joined the University of Sheffield in 1995- being the eldest this would have set the bar, then the next one and the next one (... and the ones after that) joined other universities. In March 2013, sibling number 8 will be graduating with a Diploma in Tourism from UiTM.

Scratching the Surface

I have been at this "Head" post for 2 years already, yet I am still learning a lot. Human behaviour and their motivations are really interesting topics to delve into. At the end of the day, it is about communications and understanding your audience.. and empathy.. and love. Will not be doing this much longer I hope but there are many cherished moments. How I would like to be lighthearted and sure-footed. Was listening to the Google COO speak on TED a few weeks back- she admits that when it comes to work, women may have to make some difficult choices, but it can be done. URL: http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

I guess the woman concerned have got to want it (whatever 'it' may be), do her darnedest and keep hitting the brick wall (... had read "The Last Lecture" last weekend). At this moment in time I am trying to rationalise being at work vs being home taking care of the children. Have been reading on this topic quite a bit: e.g. why many more girls than boys graduate but there are less women at the management or C-level. Like Sheryl Sandberg I will not be discussing these issues. Perhaps my angle is to advise my girls. Stay on the job because you want to (not because you have to). Always have options (and aim for financial independence as early as you can), and marry a man who is willing to put in the extra effort (and not one who expects you to do everything).

On the work front, looks like I'll still be in employment come January (2013). I may be able to afford around 2-3 months of unpaid leave (must work harder!) but would rather rip off the band-aid and deal with the potentially nerve-wracking household management without a helper. Now I have to get used to not having a maid around the house- must be prepared to put my back into the (house)work and ask for help when I need it. Wish me luck!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Everything's Fine

Except for a niggling headache that I've had since morning, today appears to be a great day. Bright morning, a bit overcast now but very much my kind of day. We had a banana leaf lunch just now, followed by a gift exchange (secret santa). Nice way to end the working year- will be away for 2 weeks and return (hopefully refreshed and re-invigorated) in January 2013. Looking forward to a quiet 2013, laid-back and low expectations. Focus need to be on the children and the household for a change.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Temporary Ignorance

On Saturday our office's server room caught fire and today we do not have e-mails or access to any applications. The surprising thing is that I managed to get a lot of work done, with time to spare for blogging! Once the e-mail deluge returns, I will have my hands full. Till then, please let me be blissfully ignorant.