Our "Thing"

"For their honeymoon they went to an island in Maldives. I just don't believe him. Why? Islands are our 'thing'." She had known the guy before he was engaged to be married. They get along very well together, it is a mature, understanding relationship where they are calm in each others' presence... and they can talk about anything & everything... and they share common interests. (What more could you ask for in a relationship right?).

However due to family disapproval he was married off to another, a more "family-sanctioned" bride... yet he begs my friend to stay because she gives him balance & is calm whenever he is with her (Why do men say corny things like this to keep the girl... and if she is the ONE, why didn't you bloody marry her???)... BUT as with most things in life, you can't always have what you want. Deal with it. Swallow the bitter pill of truth & sleep it off. You'll feel better as the day goes by.

As for you my dear girl, the advice is NEVER get involved with a married man. Your spidey senses must tingle when the person is married (happily or otherwise, it DOESN'T MATTER!) and you must turn the other way. You are not a person who can handle envy & jealousy very well. It is probably a good thing that you ended the relationship before his wife visited him, otherwise this would have killed you more. [This is my 'voice of reason' speaking up, after being ignored for 2 months].

Big picture: things really happened the way they're supposed to/ meant to happen. There is a divine universal plan, there is probably a guardian angel looking out for me. It could also be various well-wishes & prayers from mum and family member and the children. Anyhow, things happened. Another lesson learnt. Let go. Move on towards your future my lovely girl!

It didn't hurt as much as it did with Mr Ex... because the tables are turned... she is his wife and technically I'm the other woman. I should deal with it graciously. No angry messages please. Be a graceful, well-behaved, poised, dignified flower that you are. Do your thing with the children. Do your thing by yourself. Nurse your fever. Pamper yourself. Start planning the next holiday. Whatever. Move the focus away from the distraction. LET GO. LIVE. SURVIVE. FLOURISH. [That's the spirit!!!]

Flying Blind

On Friday night I wrecked my handphone. Threw it to the floor using a little too much wrist & it died. No amount of resuscitation could revive it from its deathbed. RIP. Will have to get a new one soon.

[Anecdote: A Lenovo does not disintegrate when thrown but fails to work when you switch it back on (after a fall). On the other hand, a Nokia & a Samsung will fall apart upon impact BUT will work once you put them back together. This kinds of reminds me of the F1 cars' safety features in an accident- had read somewhere that the new cars disintegrate upon impact and increases the chance of driver's survival. NOT that I am a regular handphone thrower- the Nokia fell from a height & (oh!) the Samsung I did throw once, many, many, many years ago!]

ANYWAYS, now I am sharing my daughter's handphone- hers has 2 SIM-card slots. No social media for moi for a couple of days. Have decided to cut-off the addiction, cold-turkey. Apart from a minor anxiety felt just now at about 1700 hours, I have survived 48 hours without so much as glancing to TG or WA or WeChat... but I still browse FB on my desktop.. to announce my temporary absence... hehe... WHATEVER will we do without social media??? You did not think that it was a total cut-off, did you???

WHY did I throw the phone? There was a misunderstanding with a person, and I was tired, and I had an argument with my teen daughter. Instead of causing mortal injury to my own flesh and blood, throwing the phone seemed like a better option... NOT that any complex rationalising process happened... had just felt disappointment and rising anger... and unfortunately the phone was in my hands that time.

A good friend had advised me to learn to control my anger. Yes I am very much trying to achieve the higher state of consciousness and rise above these mortal emotions. It is not as easy as it sounds. However, I can promise him that I have done soooooo much better than before (in remaining patient & calm).

Once I get the new phone I will not throw it ever. (because after GST implementation on 1 Apr phones will be more expensive!!!). MY PROMISE is that I will keep a level head when faced with any form of rising anger. It is not at all productive to throw things in anger (very juvenile indeed). I am a grown adult and will deal with the emotions. When anger rears its ugly head, I WILL CALM DOWN AND PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

Post-Mortem

This post-mortem is done for me to look back and learn from my experience with the divorce:

1- POSITIVE POINTS

• it was a reasonably smooth process
• both decided to act in the children's best interest
• we have forgiven and moved on (more or less)

2- NEGATIVE POINTS (SELF-IMPROVEMENT AREAS)

• to quote Cameron Diaz' character in The Other Woman: line your ducks in a row! (I went the other disorganised way)
• maybe I should have been a gracious loser and not sent ex-hubby many angry messages (mea culpa- no further explanations required)
• still don't have a specific answer from ex-hubby on why it happened & why he chose her over me.. but to move forward I've put it down to bad judgement & the giddy feeling of luuurrrvee

3- MOVING FORWARD

• prioritise the children before personal battles/ issues
• plan a wonderful life together with the children

That's it really. What I have learnt is the oft-repeated, cliche, corny-sounding phrase that "time heals" is actually very true. Almost one year on, time has healed a great deal.

Rebuilding Kelantan

When the December 2014 floods hit, Kelantan was one of the states that had to face a nearly total destruction of property, and losses of life in some cases. First hand account by volunteers were heart-rending: seen were abandoned houses, floating debris (including automobiles and bodies) and survivors running to the hills, fighting for their lives against the elements.

Very strong currents hampered the delivery of aid to the needy areas. Some issues of political differences were (rightly or wrongly) brought to the fore when the federal government was slow to response to the declaration of a national emergency.

The Kelantanese people staying in various parts of Malaysia showed their solidarity by initiating food donations and driving up to the affected areas, using their own 4-wheel drives. Such courage is also seen in the people's will to live, to rebuild their lives and start over better.

Eventually various aids were deployed by both the private and public sectors, attending to the immediate needs of clean water and medical care. Last week most schools opened with students given the flexibility to wear regular t-shirts and clothes to school. Temporary shelters have been set up progressively, starting with tents, to temporary housing made of plywood, to houses made with packed sandbags.. and perhaps also refurbished containers.

From my perspective, I have utmost respect to to the social workers and volunteers who put others' interest before themselves. May they all be blessed with more courage, more heart and bravery to continue the good deeds of serving those in need.

Being 40

Turning 40 was interesting. Still am 40, going to 41. Mid-life crisis? Sure- big time.

At 40 I look back at my achievements & many failures. Coincidentally last year the divorce happened- I would not recommend divorce if anyone asks me, unless it is really absolutely necessary. For example, if the husband is a wife-beater.. or he totally neglects the family.

However, on the plus side things are getting better by the day. Initially when the divorce happened there was a period of loss/ grief/ self-doubt/ loss of confidence.. and I had pretty much decided that I will never be able to love any man again.. but guess what, the heart can heal. 

The pain comes back once in a while- a friend shared with me this wonderful advice- acknowledge the pain, mourn the loss, cry if you have to but once you forgive the person, your soul will be totally free... and NOTE TO SELF: drop the drama act! 

Life is good now. Getting better by the day. Children are healing & have become adjusted to the schedule when Mum & Dad lives in separate houses. 

When things get over my head, that's the time to go to the gym & sweat it out. Plus point = healthy body. Still working on the abs though.

So. Welcome to 2015. Welcome to my 41st year of life. Loving all the many blessings granted to me.

Moving Forward

Today is my first working day in 2015.

How do I feel?
A little lethargic.
A little bit slow to start the engines after a long break.

... but feeling 2000 times better than I had felt this time last year
and hopeful of future prospects
and with a tiny spark, raring to go (work-wise)

... with the children, it is a continuous work in progress
doing the best that I can from day to day
guiding them as they traverse life
standing by their side, whenever they need me
with love in my heart, always

... as for love life
we will not control or force it
we will chill out and let things develop in its own time
we will continue to love and respect each other
and things will happen when they're supposed to happen

Let's have a FABULOUS year.
To borrow Tim Gunn's words from Project Runway
--> 'Make it work!'