Reset

When loneliness meets low self-esteem, it could be a recipe for disaster.. or for something distasteful. It did not feel right, stars were not aligned. Things just did not jive.. there was no chemistry whatsoever. DO NOT MOVE PAST "GO". Relationships should come with warning signs like these. They would precede another sign that says I TOLD YOU SO!

Another learning experience.

Another badge on my sash.

Can't wait for the 2 years to be up. When I will supposedly be over the "itch'.

I wonder if Mr Ex is doing any better. I'm not about to ask. Because it doesn't matter.

Have I forgiven him? Almost.

Will I ever forget what he did? I hope not. Because that is my reason for survival. To remember the pain & courage... and to push myself to do and look better than them. Them collectively... because this loathsome unit set out to break things apart.

How I would LOVE to do the Prophet Muhammad's or Mother Teresa's magnanimous gesture. Then DO. Either DO or DO NOT. There is no try. From Yoda.

Oblivion

Today is one of the days when I feel like I want to slide on the floor, turn into liquid mush and disappear through the cracks.

May have to break-up with someone soon.. or maybe not, because technically we're not in a relationship. In his books we probably are still friends (with some benefits).

Let's move forward. Life is very short and time is running out.

If there is a person for me dear God, please let him find me soon.

Unfinished Business

Once upon a time, when I was married, I told myself (and my married friends) how glad I was to be out of the dating game. Now I guess I'm back in the fray, albeit with more sense and wisdom (I hope).

So far (post-divorce) I have dated one person & ended it- we still remain friends. I was unable to push forward and could not take the risk of injuring myself emotionally. Sometimes it is best to leave things be. For the simple reason that it will not lead anywhere.

Currently dating a second person and learning about each other progressively. People are interesting.. and every time we get to know them there's always something new to discover.

I would like to be re-married one day, to whom I really have no clue. At the same time I am prepared to stay single if no one right comes along. So- how do I update that as a Facebook status, cheeky monkey?

One of my good friends suggested that we take the attention away from companionship & romance.. and re-focus on things like studies.. or self-development.. or projects with the children. Those could work, right? I will not mope or let my life pass, while waiting for this person. I will pursue my dreams and if the man comes along, so be it. If not, I will be complete and perfect on my own.

Trust

The core of any relationship, apart from love and the attraction you have for the other, is trust (I feel).

Once the trust is gone it is nearly impossible to re-build.

If a woman experienced infidelity and decided to stay with her man post-affair, I suppose the love she has for him is much greater than the loss of trust she has experienced. Either that... or she is completely dependent on him and walking away is not a choice.

I'd like to be able to walk away. I did... because self-preservation was more important.

Things do get better. Life goes on, and it is smashingly beautiful.