Sacrifice

When a relationship begins.. the romantic kind.. it may lead to something more significant in the future. What will you be willing to give up for a man?

At this moment, my answer is... Nothing. The man has to accept me & this package that I come with. If it is too difficult for him, then goodbye is the best solution.

Realistically, no man would be willing to sacrifice his life for love.. at least not for my love. There are at least 100 other ready, willing & single women out there ready for the taking. So please leave me the hell alone.

When You Love Somebody

The gynae I go to provides a "laser vaginal rejuvenation" procedure. Quite interesting for women who have given birth(s) & would like to "freshen up" that particular region.

With some husbands they'll probably do it for the personal satisfaction of physical contact... because they love that person.

Well I guess some husbands love that one person & does everything to improve the look of that person... because he's the one looking & he probably would like to invest in confidence building procedures for the wife.. the net effect is she'll be happy.. and he will be happy too. That's a plan, right.. a beautiful one of you ask me.. investing in the one you love.

Unfortunately for most idiot men, when the older model is rusty & looking a bit scruffy.. he chucks it aside & finds a fresher looking one. End of story. Sucks.. but that is life. For the women who enter the picture, sometimes the attitude is so very nonchalant.. they don't love each other anymore, so I have done nothing wrong.

Life is a beautiful cycle. Do unto others what you would like done to you. Mom has always taught me to treat others how I want to be treated.

So whoever it is who will become my husband.. I will do my best to take care of him & hopefully the second time around I will have the sound judgement to pick a good man. One who is willing to stand by me when I get my weird moments & one who will love me even when I am old and grey and wrinkled.. when all the rejuvenation surgeries would no longer make a difference. Good luck to me.

If that man doesn't exist.. then I will exist on my own.. I am complete regardless.. LOVE YOU LOTS.

Break-up & Shake-up

The true gravity of a break-up won't hit you immediately... but the day or a week later... for major break-ups you probably go through the levels of grief in a long drawn out period.

Feeling a little bit drained. The tears are coming like torrential rain, yet it is all good. My policy is always to remain as friends. No bad blood as we used to have something meaningful together.

What is next? Let's focus on something more certain and with a realistic outcome. DBA.

Let's do that. Why? Because I can.

Best to leave love & romantic relationships in the back burner for now.

Life. Here I come.

Did it happen.. or did it not?

This must have been the easiest break-up in the history of mankind. Just like that he said okay, if you think that this is for the best.

Yes I do. Yes-sir-ree!!!

Which begs the next, more sinister question: did we actually have something?

Perhaps I had imagined the whole thing.. perhaps this was just a failed attempt at something feeble & unmeaningful to fill up our time/ void? What feelings did I felt? Maybe they were equally superficial and nebulous.

Hence today I set forth as a single person... and it feels completely alright.

It's all good & nothing can't stop me now. I am on a roll & will embrace the very notion of being single with every fibre of my being. No apologies. Just complete & total acceptance. Wake up world. Here I come!

Independent Existence

When a person has been single his whole life, the existence of a 'significant other' may be seen to be an inconvenience. His friends take priority over everything else... and he probably cannot imagine ever settling down... or changing his lifestyle... or limiting his freedom in any way.

So I am back to the drawing board. I know I should not push further, as I may risk falling into an abyss.. no end and no beginning... kinda too old for that sort of stuff...

Who is willing to settle down? Is he out there & unattached to any woman? Will he match my personality & interests? May I please get a kind-hearted person?

My next plan is to do DBA. Will put myself through academic rigour. It is more predictable and realistic. There is an actual end/ achievement at the end of the pursuit.

Why settle when you can shine?

Comfort in Silence

Currently learning to stay calm. Sometimes it is best not to say anything, because whatever that needed to be said has been said already. Sometimes you meet someone who loves silence as much as you do.

S gives me that comfort. Sometimes we would ride in his car in silence and not say anything.. and it would feel completely normal. With others this moment would seem quite awkward because you have nothing to say to each other. In the beginning, to me who is a perpetual chatter, this is far from normal. Now I have gotten used to it and it is quite interesting.

We do chat when there's something to chat about. We are learning about each other.

He is so very different from the guys I have dated before (not that I have dated many). Not quite sure which direction this relationship is going, but I have decided that I would remain friends with him regardless. A calming presence. My balance.

Skill Set

A number of our friends have quit work and become a full time mommy. What a privilege. How wonderful to have someone who can support you financially & you can stay home to watch over the children.

As for me, I believe in playing the hand I was dealt. There should be no more thinking or moaning about financial situations when I am fully in control. This is my life and I will so my best to grow a backbone & carry on.

There are different things to learn, whether as a SAHM or as a working mommy. In general there are a few basic areas to address. No worries, I will manage regardless. Next month I have to work and handle the housework. Good luck to me. New skills to master: household management skills. Ace that & you'll graduate with flying colours in all the other subjects.

Dilwale

Hindi movies are not normally my cup of tea.. but tonite I had felt like going out with my friends.. and there has been so much talk about the movie.. and since the movie is ending its run soon.. (excuses, excuses!), my friends & I watched Dilwale.

I will skip the usual actor details.. as everybody would have seen or heard something about Dilwale actors by now.. and will provide my free overall commentary.

It is visually stunning..
The song & dance routines have been modernised..
The songs, especially for SRK & Kajol moments are superbly beautiful..

The plot however is a typical hindi movie plot.. nothing new.. boy loves girl.. family disapproves.. throw in best friend + posse + family ties.. there's a villain or two here & there.. and the hero fights them all off without breaking a single drop of sweat..

What I liked was.. the director & scriptwriters poked fun at themselves & the script was reasonably fresh & witty..

There were saccharine sweet moments that one would expect from any decent hindi movie.. and in the end love prevails.. and the road is paved for everyone to walk into the sunset happily ever after.

Does that kind of love exist? If you're lucky, maybe.. and you should never let the person go.. and do your best to hold on even when things get crazy or super tough.

As for me.. I remain a skeptic.. if someone loves you why would he cheat.. if you are married to your soulmate why would you want to marry others (polygamy)? I suppose there may be health reasons.. or you just get bored of each other after living together for so long.. or an opportunity simply availed itself & the person just could not say no.

In conclusion, go watch Dilwale..and switch off your brain when you do. You will enjoy it more.. haha..

My Kind of WONDERFUL

Another heartbreak. Another episode of crying. Another planned long message to a former lover. I'm kinda like Taylor Swift that way- I write about my break-ups, only that I can't sing or play any instrument to save my life.

What's next? The world is waiting. What do you even mean by what's next, right?

Whatever happened, whatever choices I made, whatever course my life took.. they're all GOOD. I have become wiser and stronger. I can stand up taller. I will survive this.

My friends said that I am a happy-go-lucky person. I wouldn't exactly describe a melancholic OCD that way.. but I will take it. Why not. Be happy. Roll with the punches. Be Grateful. Be GREAT.

Another day to make a difference. Let's go babe. Love you LOTS.

What is LOVE?

Currently struggling with the definition, but decided to put the matter on the table & discuss it in the open.

So, we have a relationship.
It will likely be a long term relationship.
We may or may not get married to each other.
Yet we will remain friends.

Abandon ship? You sure as hell better guard your heart and get on your heels girl.

Some guys just don't want commitments.

Remain friends if you must. Hands off. Above Board in all transactions.

That is probably the safest way to go.