Anything Can Happen

Once I had lain awake and wondered, will I continue to be in an unhappy marriage?
Will we continue to fight, accuse, sulk, make up... then fight again?

Not knowing that he was equally as (if not more) miserable as (than) I.


I had thought that the only way out is probably death (his or mine).
Not in the suicidal or maniacal way but eventually/ in time, or by natural causes/ illness.


And the way out had been presented in the way of a divorce.

The D-word. Something that was totally unexpected and got me completely blindsided then.
So unexpected that I had to seek medical help.


WHY?

Hadn't the marriage been unhappy?
Hadn't I suffered emotional abuse? (He equally so, perhaps)
Didn't the children go through some level of stress?
Hasn't there been episodes of him disrespecting my family? (Or me, his?)
Haven't he always had straying eyes? (Haven't I always turned a blind eye?)
Hadn't he always distrusted and controlled me? (And me, him, to an extent?)


YET, when I discovered the other woman and all the trash that came with it, I had had an emotional breakdown. Did I not see it coming? (Like, really?).

Last night I was talking to S about the past meds & counseling.
He had jokingly said "sometimes this happens again, yes?"
"No, none of the episodes ever recurred, thank you very much!" I also answered jokingly (I think).

Anyway, what got me thinking was this:
Why did I take the affair and eventual divorce badly?
Did I not see it coming?
Was the relationship not breaking apart to begin with?


Hence this was my epiphany this morning (thanks to S, as he is a source of a number of breakthroughs and I love him!):
- I had probably been living in denial
- Both of us probably had tried our damnedest to make the flailing marriage work
- It never occurred to me that he would cheat or find an outlet (in the form of another woman), because he had his paintball, cycling, work and what-have-yous.

SO- the moral of the story (for me at least) is: Shit Happens.
It could happen, It would happen if things simmer & never gets addressed, and in my case, It did.
Not for lack of trying, or lack of love, but because of apathy.


How will I do better in this next relationship?
Talk about it.
Address the unhappiness.
Understand the origin of the 'issue' (whether a flash-in-the-pan or something more deep-seated).
Fight fair, never hit below the belt.
Stay on topic and resolve it we shall.


That's how S have handled our issues with me (Bless his soul!).
A mature method that I do appreciate (now more than before)
And from his method I have learnt and grown to be a little bit more mature myself.


My takeaway points/ resolutions:
Please calm down and be mature.
Let's Talk about it, in a constructive mature way & understand the issue (or the aspects of the issue, if it is more complex).


Hence, in the hands of the right person anyone will flourish.
The person being a significant other, a parent, a manager, a leader, a teacher #thinkingpoint.