Saturday, February 22, 2025
Friday, February 21, 2025
Achy Breaky Heart
Tuesday, February 18, 2025
This is HEAVY for me to bear
Tomorrow would have been our 6th anniversary. However I have decided to give the date to him & Aiza to celebrate their forever love. I won't go back to meet the snakes to ask why they did this to me, I have to keep moving forward. There is literally nothing that they can do, or say to make things any better or any worse that it already is. Redemption? Repentance? Atonement? I am past that. They will not provide me any apology or peace of mind. What was done, has been done. They have crushed me in the process. Instead of me being the central character in a marriage, the love of someone's life, I was the dispensable fool who got burned. Tough.
The date was never mine to cherish, or to keep. Neither was he. I never really believed that anybody belonged to anybody. Now what happened has confirmed my belief. I cannot make anyone choose me, or love me, or be with me. How I wished that he had shown me the message he sent her the night before our nikah. I would have either called her to ask her to disappear forever from his life (but then there were Che Na, and Azhani too in the picture) OR I most likely would have called the whole bloody thing off, to avoid all unnecessary hassle. I would walk away. Completely. In hindsight. I had spent 5 years in the company of a husband who had other options. Pity.
Looking back, all the memories come back in torrents. There were some good moments, some sad moments, some happy moments, then there were moments that could only be explained with my current knowledge. Welcome to my sad whiny life.
No matter how bad things are right now, the only way is up up up. I have hit rock bottom in terms of romantic relationships. Bridget Jones, no matter how clumsy you are, you have made some good choices and have attracted many good decent men. I am hanging up my cape. I haven't got a proper one to begin with. From this moment on, the person I will love and cherish all the time is ME.
Sunday, February 16, 2025
Viva Voce
The presentation was completed on 13 Feb 2025 at 3.45pm and I am glad that it went smoothly.
I had a LOT of help from great supervisors, family, and friends who have supported me ALL THE WAY.
It's wonderful to have great people who have your back. Alhamdulillah 💖
How does it feel? Surreal, I would say.
And the days after? Seemed pretty normal, in my view.
I would remain the same person I have always been. The added credential will assist in asking for a salary review (hehe), and I should probably apply for an Assistant Professor post. These are essentially work-related. My boss would say "Well, it's about time!" after various reminders to continue my studies in the past. I have 10 more years till retirement, and the research work will keep me occupied till then.
On a personal level, I am still the same me. I have had good examples, to not let this get to my head. My sister, my sister in law, my supervisors, and literally all my friends who have achieved 200 more fantastic things in life but remained as grounded as regular Joes and Janes. This I must repeat to myself to be rooted + humble always.
What's next? Work, work, work 🤣
If at anytime I feel bigheaded, the office where I work will bring me back down to earth in no time. So you earned your PhD? Congrats & go back to class! In the same breath.