Saturday, January 25, 2014

Me the Yoyo

Endlessly I will go on a loop: Why did it happen? Could I have stopped it? What will happen in future?

I know I should stop questioning & start accepting my reality. I am not the crazy one. Hubby is, for chasing after a figment of his imagination.

My feelings are like a roller-coaster. Certain days I feel reasonably okay, other days terribly angry, some days calm. Most days are calm now, thankfully.


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Other Woman meets The Other Woman

We had spoken on the phone before, because I had wanted to verify their relationship status (hubby & her). If I was not extremely upset with her/ the whole situation, she could have been a friend/ acquaintance. She sounded nice enough. I was the "other woman" to her as much she was to me. Surprise, surprise!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

In Mourning

For the lost opportunities and what could have been.

He had decided to pursue new blood & had spent time, effort and lots of money on this girl.

When he told me I was the one he loved all these while (even during/ throughout the affair), his words carried no meaning. If you love someone so much, would you replace her with someone more fetching/ younger?

Soon we'll be discussing the divorce proceedings & settlement amounts. I'd like the whole thing to be done as fast as possible. So far we have both agreed to cooperate, for the children's best interest.

I actually have 2000 questions to ask him but most (if not all) of them won't matter anymore. The facts are clear & I totally understand the position I have been relegated to. A position of no significance. By the way, did he tell you he was married?

Sunday, January 05, 2014

SMS/ Texting Blackout

From this moment on, all texting to my dear ex-husband must stop until the date the divorce is concluded. He's on whatsapp planning the wedding & have been replying late to my texts.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I EXPECTING? FOR HIM TO TELL ME HE LOVES ME & WILL LEAVE HER IN A HEARTBEAT? THAT HE HAD MADE A STUPID MISTAKE? THAT HE HAD ALWAYS LOVED ME?????????????

I will not hear the words "I love you" from him anymore. My life will go on. STOP THE TEXTING ALREADY! He's chasing after a sweet young thing & does not have time to reply to your complex, emotion-laden texts!

I dedicate "I Belong To Me" by Jessica Simpson to myself.. and "Roar" by Katy Perry, of course :-)

Reality Bites

Reality Check: He left you at least a year ago when he decided to have a future with his girlfriend. Despite a loyal wife + 5 children + 16 years of marriage, he did not pause/ choke/ hesitate. He went ahead with dinner and dates, all the stuff people do after dates, took her to dine everywhere, drove her places, paid for her expenses, bought her rings and proposed. As I deal with anger/ disappointment/ betrayal, they're happily planning their wedding in May 2014. Who I am does not matter to him, never did. He loves the children and promised to pay for their expenses, that's fair. Whatever.

There is nothing left to process. He is very protective of her & has clearly made his choice. What's the use of hanging around?

You are a beautiful, intelligent, resourceful, strong woman. You will bring yourself together to take care of the children. For one man who stopped loving you, there are many more friends and family members who love you more than he ever did. Focus on their love & care & prayers and STAY STRONG! This pain will heal, you will forget him & life will go on.

Saturday, January 04, 2014

STOP!

Note to self:

Communications with an ex-husband must be restricted to matters related to children only.

You do not exist and what you do/ eat/ wear/ feel is no longer any concern of his.

GET A GRIP & GET A LIFE!

You Don't Own Me

I dedicate this song to myself. I am letting go of the hurt & moving on with my life. Let that be my mantra from now on.. HERE'S TO A FANTASTIC LIFE!!!

(Source:  http://www.metrolyrics.com/you-dont-own-me-lyrics-lesley-gore.html)

You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other boys
And don't tell me what to do
Don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display 'cause
You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please
And don't tell me what to do
Oh, don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display
I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please
A cover version was done by Bette Midler, Diane Keaton & Goldie Hawn in their 1996 movie titled "First Wives Club"


Friday, January 03, 2014

???

Now I'm only entitled to one-word answers from him. WTF??

All those years of being married & I just get "Today" or "Ok". FINE!!!!!

I really do know my place now & I am moving on. Goodbye & @()($*)(@$%^@#$^%

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

New Beginnings

How do you say goodbye after a 16-year relationship?

I don't suppose you do, because you have children to be raised together & mutual decisions to be made. You'll still have to contact and speak to the person. It is therefore important to reach an amicable settlement. The children must be our top priority.

I have let go and ready to move on. I do believe that something fantastic will happen in our future.

To quote Robin Sharma:
Change is hard in the beginning,
Messy in the middle,
Gorgeous at the end.
Georgous, here we come!