43 Years Young

Yesterday I turned 43.

Mentally I have pegged myself at 25 (recently it inched up a bit, to 28) so I hope not to think much about the numerical aspect of my age that much (haha).

The day started at 7am when I ran 3km at the KL International Airport, to celebrate their 25th Anniversary. This was a plan with my girls from TIGS-BP. Other options were 10, 25, 42km- I have never gone beyond 5.5km so the best choice is 3km (run for fun). I completed the run in 28 minutes (not my best time of course) and after that went on another 3km walkathon to locate the car at KLIA's long term parking. The lucky thing was my friend works at the airport and was able to guide me to the location (despite every lot looking exactly the same!). We are planning for more runs in future- to be together, to test our fitness, to support each other & generally achieve some little victories for ourselves. At the end of the run, I sent a photo of us (at the photo board) to my children & my daughter was impressed by it (although I just ran 3km)- God bless her.

A couple of great friends celebrated the day with me at a dimsum restaurant, which served fantastic food.. and they insisted on singing the birthday song after they took out the cake (but of course!).. and a few others at the restaurant sing along (thank you!).. and put 5 large candles on the cake (when I haven't even passed 45 yet).. this is the wit and candour of my friends. And I love them to pieces.

S made a video call from Frankfurt as he is still away on holiday (he really is my sweetheart!).. and sent a bouquet of chocolates & flowers to the house.. and pretended not to know who sent it.. and finally admitted.. and I love him.

Abbhi sent a bouquet to the office.. built up a bit of drama because she asked for the flowers to be delivered.. but she wrote her name in full, so I knew who it was from.. a bit of suspense/ mystery there, but made for a nice surprise- because I normally do not really celebrate my birthday that much.

My youngest daughter (she is 7) wanted to buy me a handbag, and asked me for RM20 (so that she can buy me one).. and I would probably need to drive her to the location to buy one, but we will plan that later.

My teen daughter made a video about our excursions together. Will need to spend more time with her before she goes off to college next year. She is growing and she has many friends and she is traversing teenhood (which is not easy in this day & age) and I hold her dear to my heart. May she make the right decisions in life & may she grow up to be a well-adjusted, beautiful, good-hearted human (as all my other children).

My second son messaged a birthday wish with a thoughtful prayer for longevity & health. My other sweetheart. He will be home next week for the holidays.

Number four sang me a birthday song two times & showered me with kisses and hugs both times.

Number one said Happy Birthday Mama, and ate the cake. He is currently preoccupied in trying to find a house for him & his friends, because the college prioritises new students & no longer offer in-house accommodation to semester 3 students.

... and of course on social media there were many3 wonderful wishes, and hopefully I have addressed all of them (on whatsapp).. later today I will probably go to FB and reply the wishes there (both on my wall & messenger).

All in all, Alhamdulillah. I feel completely blessed and enriched in so many ways.

Love for Running | Running for Love

Why do I love running fun runs so much?

1. Helps me shape up
2. It is a test of endurance
3. Running with others helps me gauge my own level of fitness (I need to be fitter)
4. It enables me to run at venues at times unaccessible to public
5. I get lots of t-shirts & different types of finisher medals (haha)
6. It helps me get to know myself- my running pace, breathing technique, how far to push
7. I love the general energy (exhilarating)
8. Flag off time is always interesting (initially I will be quite nervous, but after the 'release' I feel free & thereafter will focus on the run)
9. The sense of achievement- especially as I am reaching the finish line
10. Personal victory- doing something for myself
11. I get to see how events are run
12. Makes me appreciate people more- volunteers especially
13. Did I mention the energy is really, really, really fantastic?
14. Serotonin & adrenalin (or rather: adrenalin & serotonin, in that order)
15. My pace is something under my control
16. I learn to accept matters which I cannot control e.g. the weather, road conditions (and make it work anyways)
17. I get to support others, especially those who arrive after me
18. I get to run with my friends & when you have been to enough running events, you will start to see some familiar faces
19. Push myself to be better especially in improving my timing
20. It makes me happy :)

Next plan: train for 10km. Protect the knee & back, learn the technique of breathing & pacing to be able to complete 10km in time & injury-free.

The Writer in me

Here are the things that I want to do:
Write
Travel
Get paid/ sponsored

Haven't quite figured out how to do it yet, but have finally seen the possibility (at age 43).

(What value will I give the employer/ sponsors? THINK!)

Well better late than never. Figure it out. Do it.

Flexing the Mental Muscle

100 20 ways to change/ save the world

1-            Change myself

2-            Build some houses

3-            Do free pro bono good things

4-            Recycle to death

5-            Pay it forward & create the ripple of attitude of gratitude

6-            Teach something to someone

7-            Plant a tree

8-            Grow your own food

9-            Cook at home and avoid going out to dinner (less carbon footprint)

10-         Talk to others

11-         Be humane

12-         Be kind

13-         Vote for a fair & just leader

14-         Wake up early & catch the sunrise

15-         Run/ Walk & exercise for health

16-         Be an overall good person

17-         Build a sustainable anything

18-         Use less electricity

19-         Encourage understanding of other people (different from you)

20-         Pray together

Thanks to Koff who introduced James Altucher’s writing to me, which in turn inspired this post (to exercise my mental muscles). This post https://jamesaltucher.com/2011/02/how-to-be-the-luckiest-guy-on-the-planet-in-4-easy-steps/ I had read this morning and can’t stop thinking of it all day & the above is the (meagre) result.

Life's Resolutions 2018

As usual, there will be plans for something and anything to accomplish for the upcoming year.

My plan this time is to do nothing, to be quiet, to think & resolve my life, to be by myself.. but I know that is never possible.

During the year-end holidays I will do a major spring cleaning and probably sell or donate a whole lot of stuff. Would like to refinance the house too. Let's just handle these 2 basic stuff first and we will progressively grow into bigger things, like writing a book.. or inventing something great (the next sliced bread perhaps).

What will happen in 2018? Many great things I am sure :)

If I had to do it all over again

With hindsight, many people (me included) would have made different choices in life.

Personally, I would have:
- married later (or choose to remain single)
- not have gotten into unnecessary debts (like credit cards)
- not considered involving myself with any MLM or direct selling companies (and kept the money in the bank or just buy a new car or just invest them elsewhere)
- traveled more
- written more
- be less busy
- chosen someone who loved me more than I love him (to marry)
- have less children
- been more reckless (how? do I even know how to do this.. haha)
- done an accounting degree (although strictly speaking I would suck big time at it)

However, this is like a Catch-22 situation. Without the stories that happened, I wouldn't have gained hindsight anyways. Or if I had chosen a different path, it will give me a different set of hindsight(s) altogether.. on the basis of reasonable probability of course.

The POINT that I want to make here is.. whatever happened in my life up to this point was a sequence of events and choices and consequences that occur like a ripple (if you like). There is no point really reminiscing (or romanticising/ dwelling) too much on these events, for they have already happened. AND THEY NEEDED TO HAPPEN IN THE EXACT SAME WAY BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM THEM.

The other point is: I was given this life. It is a process I have to go through and I am not sinfully rich now, perhaps because I have not unlocked that part yet (maybe I will never unlock it, who knows). Monetary rewards is not everything. I am endlessly blessed with good health, beautiful wonderful children, a source of income, many wonderful friends, opportunities to pursue what I like to do, I am able to earn an income & put food on the table, I get to make the choices many women of the world could not make. So there. I AM BLESSED.

Regret, or even waxing lyrical about what could have been, is not terribly useful. It sets me back many steps.. and worst still, in some cases certain people may spiral into depression.

What is important is to be GRATEFUL. (The attitude of gratitude, this is from the self-help books).

For today I am yet again given a chance to breathe and step on God's green earth.. yet again I am given the chance to make myself better, be there for my children, do the duties/ service that I needed to do for my employer & students and of course to my Maker. Complaints regrets backbiting gossiping.. those are not my thing.. because I have better things to do (don't we all?).

So my dear, let us move forward and tackle this thing called life head on. No fear, because all the steps that we have taken UP TO THIS POINT has prepared us to unlock the upcoming challenges. So Dear God, THANK YOU for everything.

Nothing Wrong

There are various elements to a person, I have realised.

There is really nothing wrong with anybody, only the choices one makes. The choices are just that: choices. No matter the rhyme or reason. Remember this always, to manage the hurt. It is a situation. Do not be immersed in speculation. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

So if a person is not ready to commit, then he is simply NOT ready to commit. Nothing else to it. Judging or speculating or commenting will not be appropriate.. or helpful.. or change anything.

The only thing to take away from this is: a lesson has been learnt. A person is a person and as a friend, you try to accept the conclusion. Why not.

There will be some space/ moment required to re-adjust (say, from lover to friend), but it is totally achievable. Factually.

Hold your head up high, my girl. You have been the best lover anyone could have asked for. I promise.

TWO Rules

1- I must ALWAYS listen to my mum
2- I will listen to my gut feelings from now on

How Beautiful | Precious | Wonderful You Are

From the point of conception, (based on what I remembered from biology class) millions of sperms raced to the egg & the one that was successful made me.

While being conceived and during pregnancy, there were risks and some moms lose their babies stillborn or some babies were born prematurely with varying chances of survival, yet I was carried to full term and the miracle of birth happened. Born complete and perfectly formed, with millions of systems built in and functioning well and one particular organ never stopped beating till today. Not once. Not even one mere second.

After birth, due to various risks of SIDS or flu or various viruses lots of other babies may have died in infancy yet I was really blessed to have been cared for and nourished well to grow healthily well into my formative and eventually adult & mature years.

I would have had at least 20 (definitely more) lucky breaks, known or unknown, and my guardian angel must have worked double time in certain occasions.. and I am ever so glad to still be breathing and to live another day.

Every human is a miracle of creation. This we would have read/ heard/ said at least 50 times.

SO WHY AM I SELLING MYSELF SHORT?

I was not created as a lesser being or to accept bad treatment.

I am gorgeous, perfectly made, non-standard issue, a limited edition, rare and extremely precious.

WHY SETTLE FOR LESS?

WHY NOT BREAK FREE AND ACTUALLY BE GREAT?