Romance

This post is inspired by this poem by Atticus, which was shared via Whatsapp:

The person who posted it had asked: Why?

The answers which he got are as follows:

• I think "break your heart" here means "break into your heart", i.e. fall in love deeply.
• No comment
• I think the girl meant to say that "loving me won't be easy"
• 'jangae main2' (don't play with my heart)
• These kind of people would remain single for a very long time 

followed by 2 replies:

• or they may find someone just as complex
• perae sokmo laa (they'll fight to no end)

Since this is my blog & I get full creative license (insert evil laugh here), I will tell my story of living in that complex relationship.

I was melancholy-complex and Mr Ex was attention-seeker-complex.

Both had issues with love and acceptance. 

Me: I had always been the odd one out/ ugly duckling in the family. 

Him: That episode when his dad walked out on his mom.

So, our marriage was very battle-y, from get go.

There was a lot of love, at the same time there was also a lot of unreasonable suspicions, allegations & multiple accusatory, generalised, sweeping statements from both sides. I take full responsibility, as much as him, for immature behaviour. Despite being the parents of 5 children, we were totally child-like in our communication. We did not fight fair. This I am able to write and admit after 4 years and 7 months being divorced, and after the healing has taken place.

In the end, things happened the way it happened. It was too late to fix.

Long story short & In Summary, it is what it is.

We were not supposed to be together, but we got hitched.

There were so many alarm bells that went off before & during marriage, all of which were ignored, due to my stubbornness, and to some extent my determination to make things work. Because I don't normally fail at things. Silly Girl.

We still communicate now. Not as intense as before, because we are no longer married to each other & no longer have vested interest of any kind except our common bond to raise the children. I do respect him, as he has his talents and good points personally & professionally. Beyond that, we are literally strangers. Never again will we broach that "M" or "R" subject. The stars have spoken & ours are no longer aligned.

There were so many learning points for me, having been in this relationship.

I have learnt to accept who I am.
I have understood that I need not step into the shadows.
I should instead shine as bright as much as I like.
Those who cannot stand it can move out of the way.

I am still as mental, as unpredictable (and a bit hormonal) as before.
However I hope that I have learnt to listen a bit better now.
That I can see other people's perspectives and issues a bit more realistically,
and be a little bit more understanding and forgiving.

I know that I may not be as pretty as some people,
or as popular, or as socially adept, or as demure,
yet I am who I am,
and I am reasonably confident with my achievements,
as little as they may be.

I will raise my children the best as I can.
No matter what challenges they face,
I hope they will remember how much they are loved,
and how much God protects them,
to be able to make the right decisions.

I hope they will all be good persons,
Ones who would have made the world a little bit better,
than before their presence.

So when it comes to romance,
this time around I promise to love a bit better
to understand his side of the story
to take a moment to reflect
and not be too caught up in pettiness.

Big picture: please help me take care of his heart,
As much as he takes care of mine.

💕