When Life Gives you Lemons

After Chris Rock was slapped by Will Smith at the Oscars, the journalists tried to get him to comment but he merely responded that he's still processing it.

Nearly a year later, Chris Rock published his Netflix Special "Selective Outrage". In this gig he talked about a great many things, and at one part referred to the slap. A couple of celebrities have suggested that it wasn't so nice of Chris Rock to do so. Personally, I think this belongs to Chris Rock now, and he can choose to do whatever he wants with it.

The situation wasn't ideal. He was taken by surprise. That slap was unexpected and I'm sure hurt as hell.

I respect that he did not participate in a public exchange of social media posts with Will Smith, not did he find a platform (like Oprah) to create clout. What Chris Rock did (i.e. stay quiet) was very gentlemanly. Not easy to do because as a celebrity he had access to publicists and agents, but he remained quiet.

The Netflix Special was him squeezing every drop of the lemon. As he should.

I do love Will Smith's work, and he has done fantastic in his career. The slap in my view was uncharacteristic, something must be going on in his mind & probably he would need time (or counseling) to overcome it all. 

At the end of the day, I wish them both the best. I would prefer that they remain friends, but after the slap I don't think they're each other's favourite people anymore.

Abandoned Houses and Abandoned Cars

What do we do with them?

There are many abandoned cars, in the parking lot, at the junkyard, in front of peoples' houses, taking up space. Space that is sorely needed.

Have you also seen the abandoned houses? What happened to their occupants I wonder?

Is there a law to deal with these? 

I wish there is, because it might solve some problems.

The houses may be used for lodging and farming. Some of these houses have pretty sizeable yards.

The cars can probably be donated to technical colleges; or design schools for reverse engineering or sketching. Just some ideas to move things along.

Before When I leave this earth I would prefer to sell the only house that I have to one of my kids (whoever has the financial capacity to buy it). The yet to be built house in Kelantan, I'll probably live there and leave it in my will for another child. At this rate I don't have the time to accumulate 5 houses, and I'm sure the children will figure things out. Make their own money and carry on. Like what I am doing.

The main point is to not leave another potentially abandoned house (or car, or "stuff"). 

p/s: Once I read about "death cleaning" and found it sensible. No point leaving our things for our children to process/ deal with after our death. Some memorabilia may be passed on I think, but most stuff can be donated or sent for recycling.

Bicara Buku: Roots, Living Heritage

This session was conducted on 11 March 2023 at the Tun Hussein Onn Memorial Kuala Lumpur

In this book narrating the perspective of notable Malaysian individuals ("suara rakyat"), family members and close friends penned their thoughts about a notable family member who lived in the past. One entry was about the history of Batu Pahat town, how it developed to what it is now.

It is a snapshot of the author's Lineage/ Geneaology.

It speaks of/ expresses social history; a family's narrative. 

One engaging part of the discussion is "What is history?"

What of it: history is the culmination of facts & aspects of truth (from different perspectives).

For example:

It was a fact that a particular police station caught fire (as a timeline in history)

However this fact may be interpreted from 2 perspectives

- say, the British may consider it an act of terrorism 

- however the nationalists may see it as an anti-colonial act/ stance

Who writes history writes their perspective of it.

Connected to this book, some of the content were based on oral history.

This potentially give rise to whether it is reliable and/ or accepted as "truth".

A historian got up during Q&A and he mentioned that this book is not "History" (with a capital "H").

It is a collection of someone's family history (with a small "h"), may be acknowledged as such, but will likely not be considered as a significant contribution to Malaysia's history.

Personally, any discourse is good. I always walk away with new knowledge. 

The editors (in fact I spoke to one of them) never claimed that they were writing "History".

It was merely an attempt to document life in Malaysia long gone, told from the eyes of real people who were luminaries but not necessarily Malaysian or world leaders. An exercise of documenting and writing. Indeed, I think this is a rare skill that many more Malaysians should have and practice.

Income Tax Filing

Growing older and wiser, filing of tax claims have been taken in stride.

What used to be quite dreaded because there are so many deductions to handle & headings to fill; this process has been simplified extensively by the Inland Revenue Board.

Using e-filing, I took not more than 30 minutes to complete everything. 

Proviso: have all your EA Form, and deduction details ready before logging in.

The paper version used to have more than 5 pages of information to fill; these were cross-referenced to the explanations and codes. Thank God that the smart folks in LHDN has allowed us to do the filing electronically now.

Next thing to do is to wait for the refund. Need to pay my overdraft, and spend some for duit raya.

What I have noticed is the lucky thing of not having royalties and other incomes. No wonder the ultra rich have people do their taxes. Not possible for 1 person to manage all these income & payments/ deductions.

Will worry about this when I get there. May I be kind and generous with multiple sources of income, as I try to be now. Alhamdulillah for everything 💖

Daily Updates?

If you're an AllStar in Linkedin, it is recommended that you post one entry per day.

I have been trying to keep up with that pace, and figured out I can't.

For someone who over-analyse things and feels anxiety about people's responses, I will poise to type some words/ smart comments, but most times end up not posting anything at all.

That's my slow-fix for today 😂

Irretrievable breakdown of marriage

For some odd reason, this phrase I still remember from my days in Family Law class. Imagine, I have forgotten even the lecturer's name but I remembered what she taught.

This week the Malaysian scene reported two celebrity artistes' marriage break-ups: Puteri Sarah and Diana Danielle. Both circumstances are unique to each artiste, but no less painful I'm sure.

Pain is pain, no matter whether you are a celebrity, a billionaire, or a common (wo)man.

99 million

Former Malaysian Radio DJ Luke Loke Lost Over RM99 Million In A Single Night 

First look: I thought he had lost the money gambling

Upon reading: There was a banking error that caused him to 'lose' the amount, but it is being rectified and he will be getting them all back

Upon further retrospection: Who the hell has 99 million ringgits [I don't even have a quarter, never mind 99] and HOW? [The Inland Revenue may be interested too, so I hope that he has been paying his taxes]

Devil's Advocate: If people didn't know that he had money before, now they do!

Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you and you don't know why

We've had these persons in our lives before. They may be great friends and in many cases genuine. However you don't see things working out romantically with them, or them being in your life other than being a friend.

There is this particular person in my life. He has passed on so I won't name him (neither have I named anyone in any of my previous blogs but this time I wont even give his initials). Absolutely a lovely person in and out. Wholesome. Not bad looking either. Tall, fair, funny, kind & pleasant. Says the right things at the right time. From a stable family. What's not to like?

I put it down to "jodoh". My heart didn't open for him. I married my husband (now ex-husband) and he got married to a sweet lady. They have 2 children, whom she's taking care of after his passing.

May he soul be blessed by Allah SWT. May he be granted Jannah. May his wife and children be protected by the Almighty at all times. Aamiin

Coming to My Own

Like Miley Cyrus in her song "Flowers", I have learnt to have some confidence in myself.

People can be whatever they want to be, they can say whatever they want to say, they can achieve great heights by themselves or with others' help, they can be cool/ funny/ engaging/ beautiful/ rich/ classy/ a fashionista, and I can be myself.

It has taken a lot of years to reach this level. With age I realised that I have achieved certain things, and has gained some footing and belief in my abilities. It is not worthwhile to compare myself to others. I am my own person. 

[the scared little girl is still sitting in the corner somewhere, but she is getting smaller and smaller]

I would love for the day when the voices of dissent in my head completely disappears. The words I speak to myself needed to be more positive; the words I say to others needed to be more encouraging. And please please please treat the children and the husband better!

Standing on the Shoulders of Ones Who Came Before Us

Lucky was I to be raised in a household that places equal importance on male and female roles. 

To have the glass ceiling cracked to smithereens ahead of my time, by other women who have paved the way (my mother included).

To receive and make use of opportunities: for education; to pursue life's goals; and to exercise my own choice in selecting careers and a life partner.

To be educated and pursue as high level of education as I want (and am capable of).

Stories make us.

Stories inspire.

We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us,

and for these, I remain forever in debt and express immense gratitude

Addendum: My parents raised me and my brothers in a gender-neutral environment, decades before it became a thing. I was wearing shorts and climbing tees just like my brothers (but they had climbed higher than I ever could). We caught grasshoppers in the field, and little fishes in the stream. If I wasn't squeamish touching cold-blooded animals, I would have caught some frogs too, then. The household chores were done together: washing dishes, cutting fruits and vegetables, hanging out the clothes to dry, changing the little ones' diapers. I was somehow expected to do more cooking than the boys though, I never knew why, and I wouldn't' dare ask my mother about it. To this day I don't enjoy cooking, and I am not very good at it. A by-product of all that training and division of work: all my male siblings became hands-on fathers and great husbands. That was the work of ONE woman, our beloved mother.

Digital Roadtax

Malaysia has finally adopted the digital roadtax. I have wished for this for at least 5 years. Thank goodness Minister Anthony Loke has the brains gumption to push this forward. Thank YOU!

Goodbye to the printed roadtax stickers that has been the bane of my existence, for the longest time. It sticks to the windscreen, sometimes damaging the tint, and I always dread having to replace it.

No more! Hurray!

Next improvement, since we have become digitalised:

- Roadblocks may be a thing of the past; existing apps such as MySejahtera (or e-wallets) may be deployed to add on a "saman" feature. Traffic summonses may be auto-deducted from existing balance. Add on the "rayuan" (appeal) button that we may submit with "x" number of says (if we have some valid reason to reduce or zero the saman amount). All applications done online & no more mad rush to pay during discounted periods such as Hari Merdeka, or Hari Polis, or whenever the government deems so.

- Merge the driver's license with the NRIC; again auto-deducted from registered e-wallets for yearly license fee once it expires. Despite the obviousness of having to renew the driver's license annually, I am one of those people who often forget to do it. Months may pass before I realise that I have been driving around without a valid license!

- No more boom gates at the tollhouses; all car owners must link their car plate number to an e-wallet of their choice. Traffic will be smooth and no longer will we be obstructed with car owners with low balance or drained smart tag battery. These e-wallets are to be programmed to auto reload if balance falls below RM20 (for example). Toll fee evaders will be no more too, because any car that passes though the toll gates gets charged.

- While we are at it, why not synchronise the learner driver courses with JPJ and Police database. It'll be very easy to track if the person has had offences during the Probationary period. System will show "temporary suspension" (for example) if there were 'demerit' points recorded.

- Tracking stolen cars may even be quite possible because cameras in the tollhouse or traffic lights or even buildings can communicate and warn each other if the stolen vehicle is seen in their area. Kinda like the doggie network in Disney's 101 Dalmations: they traced the dalmation puppies that were kidnapped by comparing notes and barking their updates throughout London!

HOWEVER, let's not get ahead of ourselves. It has taken this long for the digital roadtax to be implemented. How much longer will it take to implement the above items? Well I hope, in my lifetime.

An Open Letter to A****

Dear A****, I do not like the way you look at me, as if I am beneath your social class. Somehow I hate that look. Perhaps that's my trigger. That was the look from all the mean girls I have encountered in my life. Even if factually I am below your social class, chances are I probably am, that is not the way to treat someone. Maybe that is just a 'look' that you have permanently etched in your face. Maybe you just do not like something about me. Maybe I came across as "not the sort of person" you'd be friends with.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your journey. We remain colleagues, albeit from different Schools. I hope I never ever have to see you ever again. I wouldn't know how to talk to you. You don't ever seem to want to talk to me either, so THANK GOD!

You will be archived as that person who doesn't want to make friends. No worries, not everybody can be my friend. We will both be okay in our own spheres. Goodbye.

Update: 23 Mar 2023

I saw her during a university event and she had this forlorn look on her face.

After the event, she did not join us for lunch while everybody gathered at the dining area.

As she was walking away, she appeared to be talking (or singing) to herself.

Whatever it is that she is facing, I hope she feels better soon.

I am sure she's a lovely person inside & I wish her the best.

 * * * *  * * * *  * * * *  * * * *  * * * *  * * * *  * * * *  * * * * 

Since I have been experimenting with chat gpt, this is what it has to say

It's important to remember that everyone is equal and deserves respect, regardless of their social class. However, if someone is looking down on you or treating you poorly because of their perception of your social status, there are a few things you can do:

1. Remain confident: Hold your head high and don't let their judgment affect your self-worth. Remember that their opinion does not define you.

2. Don't engage in their negativity: Avoid getting defensive or retaliating with negative comments. Instead, stay calm and polite, and show them that you are above their judgment.

3. Show your worth: Prove them wrong by demonstrating your talents, skills, and achievements. Let them see that your social class does not define your abilities or potential.

4. Educate them: If appropriate, try to explain to them that social class is not a measure of someone's worth and that everyone deserves respect and kindness.

Remember, it's not about changing who you are or where you come from, but about standing up for yourself and asserting your worth as a human being.

International Women's Day 2023

Today we celebrate WOMEN. Yes we celebrate them, in principle, but in practice we are not quite there yet. Women are still under-represented in the C-roles. There are more men than women Board members (with the exception of Berjaya Holdings). We still are not getting paid as well as men. In some regions women (girls) are not even allowed to receive an education.

What is equality: is it 50:50 partnership between men and women, right in the middle? Or is it sufficient to offer some seats to women to fill up the "quota"?

Personally and internally I have total faith and belief in my ability on the job. Most women do have that skillset, that confidence, and in many respects we may be even be smarter than our male counterparts.

So, why do many women drop out of the workplace?

Why do women carry the parental guilt more than men?

I have NEVER heard a man lament about how to manage work and household and children

yet this question is very clear and real with women.

If both husband and wife are faced with a choice to quit work, 

why is it expected that the woman do it?

[Especially in Asian (Malay) culture, we don't event get asked. 

We are told to scale down, or downsize, or quit]

Perhaps one thing that I should have fought for, is the right to continue legal practice.

I was quite capable. I wasn't great, but I wasn't terrible.

[Nobody starts off great anyways!]

I wanted so much to do corporate work.

Merger and acquisition.

Attend Board Meetings.

Conduct due diligence.

But the hours and the commitment were too long.

Too risky for the marriage.

I was made to feel guilty for wanting to pursue my career.

The next choice was to scale down and teach.

Here I am still, 20 years after.

I probably am a better lecturer than I was a lawyer.

I get good feedback consistently at the end of the semester.

I love my students, and I do care. Even if I don't seem the type.

What is next?

As a woman, I believe in my choices.

All those ladies in the past have paved the way for me.

Our foremothers 😃

Let us take a moment to appreciate what they have done.

And thank them for their courage.

To blaze through obstacles.

So our journeys may be easier.