A Million Reasons

There are a million reasons to stay, or leave, or think things over.

Actions are urgently needed to show the sincerity or effort in fixing things which are broken in a marriage. Is it still possible to work on it? For others maybe, but not in my case. We will throw this relationship in the junkyard very soon. It was not formed on the basis of love in the first place. Well I did love him, but it was not reciprocal. He has other options & I happen to be the convenient one, waiting for him like a puppy. After marriage, it was business as usual with all the hangers on.

If Diana had 3 people in the marriage: herself, Charles & Camilla, I had at least 5: me + hubby, Che Na, Aiza & Azhani. So crowded, and to say he was distracted is an understatement. In hindsight it explained MANY things. Why he disappeared after our wedding ceremony, why he often comes home late at night, the frequent trips to Kuantan, his familiarity with Kerteh, how Che Na and Azhani looked at him, why Aiza looked guilty when she visited the house; why I almost never get invited to Kuantan, why he is so secretive with his phone, why he took some calls outside the house & returned inside a changed man.

I KNOW A MAN IS CAPABLE OF LOVING MANY WOMEN. However, please do not be deluded into thinking that he can hide it well. No sirree. These things are very difficult to hide, especially from a significant other. I felt something off quite early on, but he had denied every allegation. I had trusted him less and less over time. The last straw had been the messages to the 3 ladies, as especially his message to Aiza the night before our wedding, saying that he will love her forever. That, ladies & gentlemen, will be etched in my memory forever. Even if I have Alzheimer's it will be printed and pasted to my diary. And especially if I have Alzheimer's, he has no reason to come back and take care of me anyways.

My point is this: Marriage is a decision. Taking care of someone you love is a decision, be it your child/ children or spouse. Being loyal is a decision. Being available is a decision. Unfortunately cheating is also a decision. You do not just stumble upon someone and you chat the person up. He would have targeted each person deliberately and sent messages indicating interest, and followed up regularly. As the screenshots show; screenshots that will be shown to the Magistrate on the 28th. Che Na after his/ her SPM, Aiza circa 2000, Azhani during the flood relief project in 2014. Fuck you all.